The Daily Fight to Stay Sane
by Lilian85
Summary: Both Dimitri and Lissa leave Rose alone. See how she can cope with it when life throws even more difficulties at her ... will she ever meet them again? Ratet M - for reason! Dimka/Roza
1. Chapter 1

__

_Hello and welcome to my second VA-FanFiction as I had promised in my last one! This will NOT be a sequel to my other FF but I would appreciate it if you would read it nontheless._

_I hope to get at least as many reviews as the old one got and I really hope you enjoy this one also as much._

_DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately I do not own the VA-books and their characters. I only borrowed them and added some new ones!_

_So, now enjoy!_

**The Daily Fight to Stay Sane**

**CHAPTER 1**** – Breaking the News**

How did it come to this? What was with everybody close to me? Was I really such a bad person that everyone wanted to leave me? Or maybe I just didn't wake up this morning and was still having a bad dream of some sort? But Somehow I had the feeling that this just was not the case, as much as I wished for it.

"Rose?" I heard the deep and usual very distant voice of my mentor, Guardian Dimitri Belikov. Right now his voice was filled with concern and – I was sure of it – some small amount of sorrow.

"Ehm, excuse me, I must have zoomed out. What did you say again?" I asked with a shaky voice, fearing his next words. Deep in my heart I knew exactly what words he had just spoken but in certain situations people tent to hear something that's never been said. One could still hope.

"Listen, Rose. I know this must be hard for you, especially now that Mason died only few weeks ago, but I've made my decision. I'm going with Tasha as her Guardian. Please understand that this is the chance I've always been waiting for!" Dimitri practically begged me to agree, but who would? My best friend and secret lover just told me that he wanted to go to live with another woman, protect and start a family with her. And he asked me to understand? Yeah, sure …

"It was always your wish to work for a fire-breathing dragon with a scar in its face?" Sarcasm has helped me getting through this kind of situations before and I knew that it would help me now again. "Well, sure, I cannot keep up with that." I tried to hide the overwhelming pain I felt in my voice but the trembling betrayed me.

"Rose, please, don't …" Dimitri pleaded but that only made me angry. I hated it when people turned their backs on me for no logic reason and his explanation made no sense at all to me.

"Please, don't what? Please don't be mad at me? Please don't cry?" I stood in front of him but had the feeling of towering over him. "I'm sorry, comrade, but I am already mad at you and yes, I will cry because you betrayed me!" I spat it in his face. Every word I sad seemed to cause him pain but this only satisfied me. I wanted him to feel the pain I did.

"Roza, …" he tried again.

"No, never call me that again! You've lost every right to call me that!" I tried to get some space between us to make it easier for me to hate him. Deep in my heart I love him and I always will but it's easier to cope with the betrayal when you can hate someone. And right now I desperately wanted to hate him so my breaking heart wouldn't tear me apart.

It was the first time I saw him so stressed. Nervously he combed his hair bag with one hand while his facial expression changed between sadness, hopelessness and growing anger. Why he was getting angry with me I wasn't sure of – probably because of my attitude but it was everything to keep me together. It was my best defense right now.

"Look, Rose, I know that this is not what you wanted to hear from me but it's all I can tell you right now." He was just trying to make it better but it didn't work.

Slowly I realized that his decision was made and I wouldn't be able to change it. It made me sad that after I have lost my best friend because he got killed by Strigoi a few weeks ago I was now also loosing the man I loved with all my heart. The world just was not fair!

"But … why?" I choked out, my voice already thick with unshed tears. I wrapped my arms around my upper body to hold myself together as I slowly broke apart.

"It's the best way, Rose. It would never have worked out between us and you know it. We would always have to keep our relationship a secret because otherwise they would never assign us to the same person or assign us to persons living far away from each other. It would never be sure whether we protect our Moroi or ourselves in the first place. I've already lost one of my best friends and I'm not willing to go through this again. I'm sorry." Dimitri answered my plea but it sounded like he had learned this speech by heart. I understood that he had known I would ask him this question and in his heart he wanted to tell something totally different. It was just a brick wall he had built up with these words. This even pained me more.

"Well then, … this will be good-bye!" I wasn't ready yet to let him go! I wanted to wrap my arms around him and to plead that he would stay. I would even give up being a Guardian if it would change his decision but I knew that it wouldn't. He's made his decision and he would stick to it no matter what. A similarity between us. One of many.

"Yes, this will be good bye.", he answered. For a split second a trace of sadness crossed his face.

"Good-bye then!" I said harshly letting him know exactly how I felt now. If he would not leave soon I would lose my inner battle against the spilling of tears and I didn't want to show him this weakness.

"Rose, …", he hesitated.

"No, cut the crap and leave already!" I spat.

He looked at me for a few more seconds but I turned my face away so he wouldn't see the first tears escaping. Then he took one step towards me, put a chaste kiss on my head and I heard him whisper softly:.

"Good-bye, Roza!" Then he turned around and left towards the big gates protecting the Academy, never turning around again. And with him he took my heart and my soul.

I can't remember how long I've been standing near the gates looking into the direction in which he had left. I cried silently trying to cope with the heart stabbing pain felt deep down in my heart.

Sometime it started to rain, in the beginning it was a light shower but soon it was pouring down on me and I was not able to differ between rain and tears on my face. I was soaking wet when Lissa found me wondering what was going on. But she only wrapped her arms around me and together we stood in the heavy rain, waiting for nothing. In this moment a song came into my mind:

_I'll never let you see  
The way my broken heart is hurting me  
I've got my pride and I know how to hide  
All my sorrow and pain  
I'll do my crying in the rain_

If I wait for stormy skies  
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes  
You'll never know that I still love you so  
Only heartaches remain  
I'll do my crying in the rain

Raindrops falling from heaven  
Could never take away my misery  
But since we're not together  
I'll pray for stormy weather  
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Someday when my crying's done  
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun  
I may be a fool  
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain  
I'll do my crying in the rain

since we're not together  
I'll pray for stormy weather  
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Someday when my crying's done  
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun  
I may be a fool  
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain  
I'll do my crying in the rain  
I'll do my crying in the rain  
I'll do my crying in the rain


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello Guys - I have to say that I'm quite disappointed in you - I only got 3 reviews so far! *cry* Please, give me some more! I want to know whether you like the story or not! PLEASE, pretty please?_

**CHAPTE****R 2 – Meeting Alberta**

How long does it take for a broken heart to heal? It certainly didn't fix itself within a few days; of this much I was absolutely sure. Someone had told me once that a once broken heart will never heal up fully. It may be functioning again and maybe one day you'll find another person whom you could love but not to such an extent as you love a soul mate. This kind of love will never fade, it will always exist, buried deep down in your soul and from time to time it would come back up and remind you of how it felt. How it felt to really be in love.

I started to understand these words better than anyone else. My soul mate had left me with a broken heart and the love that will never fade. Someday I would have to bury my emotions and memories deep down but not yet.

During the next days I had stayed in my dormitory, pretending to have a really bad cold and Lissa supported me with talking, giving me a shoulder to cry on or even with food she smuggled into my room. I had told her about Dimitri and I the same evening she had found me at the gates broken down. Once I had told her everything I felt some weight leaving me but still I felt like carrying a mountain on my back. I fought for every breath and every single heartbeat. I fought to go on though there was nothing for me to look forward to.

One week after Dimitri had left Lissa talked me into attending classes again. It was hard to follow the subject matters at first but as some routine had established again it got easier with each day. Nearly all of my classmates saw the changes that happened with me but didn't dare to ask. They knew not to mess with a Rose Hathaway when she was not in her right state of mind. So the days and weeks went by in daily routines.

Now that the training with Dimitri was over I only attended the regular classes. This left more time for me to sit in my room and sulk which really was something I was doing often lately. When it all got too much for me to bear I changed into my running outfits and did some laps. And sometimes, when everything got to difficult for me I went to the gym and sat there, remembering each lesson with him.

This is where Alberta found me one day. I didn't hear her entering the gym sine I was deep in thought and I yanked out of them when she sat down beside me.

"Hello Rose.", she said, staring ahead of her the same way I did.

"Hi." I answered, unsure of what Alberta wanted from me. Since Dimitri had left I felt her watching me closely and sometimes even keeping Guardians off my back.

"How are you, Rose?" she asked turning around to look me straight into the eyes.

"I'm okay. I guess I've been better before." I answered sincerely letting her see the sadness I still felt.

"I've been watching you guys for quite some time now and I knew that his decision would break your heart." Alberta explained. I was a little surprised that our affection had been so obvious but didn't think that there would follow any consequences now.

"I wasn't aware that we had been so obvious. We tried to stay away from each other in public." I said, the memories paining me badly.

"Yes, I know that and I'm very proud of you for doing that. But if it comforts you I can tell you that nobody else had any idea and I didn't mind." A small smile crept over her face. It actually was the first time I saw Alberta smiling. She usually was a very strict and stern woman but she had also been fair to everyone.

"Well, not that it matters now anymore …" I said with a little bit of sarcasm in my voice.

"I figured that much."

"What do you mean?" I asked her curiously.

"When Guardian Belikov came to me and asked to be re-assigned to Mrs. Ozera, I knew that it would actually break your heart. If it is for any comfort to you I can tell you that it has not been easy for him either."

This information let my heart jump for joy. It told me that he still had feelings for me and it was his feeling of duty that kept us apart. But in the nest minute it also made me sad. Exactly this responsibility and his determination to stick with his decisions he once made would stand between us forever. The chance of coming back together one day was slim to none existing now.

"Thanks." I said.

"I just wanted you to know this." Alberta said. Then she stood up and walked out of the gym leaving me to my depressing thoughts.

I still couldn't understand why Dimitri had done this. I'm sure there would have been a way to work this through! Maybe he could have re-assigned to Christian, so that we wouldn't be responsible for the same Moroi or even a Moroi not so close but still near. It was not like Dimitri to take the easiest way out of problem. Usually he would have thought everything though and made a decision when he was absolutely sure it wouldn't hurt anyone. But with the decision of going with Tasha he had not only hurt me but himself also.

The debating wouldn't help the pain to go away and I knew that. Still it was the only thing I could do to stop myself from going insane. And maybe – but only maybe – I could heal and find another person to love. Not the same as I did with Dimitri but maybe close to this.

And one day I would meet him and I would have the strength to look him into the eyes and thank him for what we shared. Then I would also tell him that I had found some other person that I had given my heart to and in whose arms I could also find the peace and safety as I did in his.

I sighed, one tear slowly running down my cheek. I had pulled my legs close to my body and wrapped my arms around them so I could let my head fall down on my knees.

Deep down in my heart I knew that this would never happen. I would never love another person the same way I did love Dimitri and if would have to face him again sooner or later, I would only get sad, nothing else.

This was the fortune of my life.

_Just click on the link, yes?_

_Lilian85_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey everyone - *cry* - I only have 9 reviews in total! *cries-more* Please, tell me whether you like it or not, because I know that some are adding me to their alert lists but do not review! Please?_

_But, still have fun!_

**CHAPTE****R 3 – The Field Trip**

Three weeks after Alberta had joined me in the gym, our field trips started, one important part of the novice's graduating grade. It was something I was looking forward to since this would be something to take my mind off things and to show everybody what I had learned during the last months. I have never been a person to get out of the way of a good fight.

I had been paired with Christian Ozera, Lissa's boyfriend, and much to my disappointment we actually had our good moments. But since Lissa and Christian nearly hung out together all the time, I still had time to keep an eye on my best friend. Eddie had been paired with Lissa and since he was one of the best novice's, I knew I could trust him to take care of Lissa nearly as good as I was able to.

During the first days nothing much happened. Nearly all of my classmates had been aimed at by our teachers playing the attacking Strigoi but Christian and I had been spared so far.

It was right during lunch time when it happened. Christian and Lissa walked along the path to the building for their next classes, deeply engrossed in their talk about the closing graduation, and Eddie and I walked behind, closely watching the surroundings as we've been told.

Suddenly four teachers jumped out of the bushes, two trying to get to the Moroi and the other two to distract Eddie and me into a fight. Actually it was outlying the rules that four teachers attacked only two novices but it made me a little bit proud that they obviously thought that Eddie and I were so good to take on all four of them. So I ignored Celeste advancing on me and went straight to Lissa and Christian to save them from the other two teachers, who were none other than Stan and Alberta.

I stood in front of the two Moroi when I saw that both teachers had split up, Stan attacking from the front and Alberta from behind. First I pushed Lissa out of the way of Stan's reach and told her and Christian to watch out for Alberta. Meanwhile I saw that Eddie was already fighting the other two teachers, Celeste and Peter.

Suddenly Stan jumped at me trying to push me out of the way with his foot. I ducked his foot and came up to use his weight to redirect his flight path and pushed him to the right side. When Stan landed on his backside I jumped at him, kneeled over his body and pushed the stake right where his heart would be at if he would have been a real Strigoi. This meant that I had taken out the first one. Only three more to go!

When I turned around to take on the other teacher my heart nearly stopped. Alberta had approached Christian and Lissa and they stood there, absolutely unaware of the danger they were in. I darted forward but within the split of a second I knew that I would be too late. Alberta, playing one of the attacking Strigoi, had already reached them and grabbed Christian from behind, acting as if she was about to bite him.

Before I had time to react, Eddie shot up behind Alberta and yanked her away from Christian. Meanwhile I turned around to see if any other of the teacher was approaching. Eddie did have a hard fight with Alberta. She wasn't the chief of the Guardians for nothing.

While Eddie was fighting Alberta it was my task to keep the other two remaining teachers at bay. When Celeste attacked me, I kicked her hard into the stomach that sent her back a few feet. Then Peter tried his luck but didn't get any further. Since Peter was still recovering from the blow I gave him against his chest, I made my race towards Celeste and quickly "killed" her off. Two more to go.

In the meanwhile Eddie was not really doing well and with a short signal we two switched places so he hopefully would finish off Peter and I tried myself with Alberta.

It was a long and hard fight and most of the time I actually didn't really plan what I was doing but only tried to hit and kick and break Alberta's defense. Suddenly I saw a tiny chance when she made a mistake and with a gamesmanship I broke through her defense and pushed my stake right at her heart. We both where laying on the ground now, our breath coming out heavily. Alberta first looked but soon the proud gleamed in her eyes and she was smiling up to me.

Suddenly Eddie's shout ripped me out of my reverie and I jumped up, immediately charging towards the place where Eddie was still fighting with Peter. Eddie had taken some really heavy blows obviously since a gash on his forehead was bleeding heavily. I felt the need rising in Lissa to help and heal him, but I glared at her and she moved her already raised hand back at her side.

To give Eddie time to recover I pushed myself into the fight and abstracted Peter from him. If this would have worked in a real fight with real Strigoi I was not so sure about, but all is fair in love and war, right? So this time it did work and I would do my best to also give Eddie the opportunity to finish off one of the teachers.

After much circling and few punches and kicks Eddie joined in and quickly both of us were leading the fight and Peter found it more and more difficult to keep up. When the chance came I stepped aside to give Eddie the chance and surely he killed Peter as effectively as we've learned.

Eddie and I were breathing hard and suddenly applause erupted from all around us. During the fight I only concentrated on the task at hand but now I saw that a crowd had gathered around us and was watching the fight closely. Now that it was over they clapped since the viewers were mostly Novices and each one of them had been in a similar situation during the last days.

"This was really a good fight! You two did not lose your heads when the situation got dangerous and you did a good job in protecting your Moroi!" Alberta said. All four teachers looked at us and also chimed in on the clapping. I felt Eddie switching his foot uncomfortably and I myself felt a little bit strange. During the last weeks it had always been my goal to stay out of the focus of the campus and now, that someone had pushed me back into it, I felt a little uneasy also.

Soon everyone had to go to their next class and Eddie and I also joined back up with Lissa and Christian to accompany them. The fight during the lunch break was the topic people chatted about for the rest of the day. It has never happened before, that two novices got attacked by four teachers and even won the fight.

I for myself was not really satisfied about the fight. The teachers had been too close to our Moroi and if they would have been real Strigoi, I was sure that Christian would be dead by now. Even if we weren't the best friends I knew that I would make self-reproaches because losing Christian would hurt Lissa. And this was something I wanted to avoid at all costs. We weren't best friends for nothing and in my function as her best friend and her future Guardian it was my job to keep away everything that could harm her. Even if it meant for me to have look-out at her boyfriend.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. In the afternoon we all met up in a secluded corner of the huge library, since Lissa and Christian still had school and were heading towards their final exams. While Lissa and Christian were studying, Eddie and I stood in the near like real Guardians would do. From time to time Eddie or I would walk around to watch if any teacher were approaching which might endanger our Moroi but it was a very quiet evening and soon the librarian came and told us that it was time to get some dinner.

The cafeteria was not as crowded as usually since many Moroi would have their exams starting tomorrow and would do some final studying. Luckily Lissa and Christian started with their exams in three days only, Lissa already being very edgy.

After dinner Eddie and I escorted Lissa and Christian back to their rooms, meaning that I would have to stay with Christian while Eddie stayed with Lissa. I was sure that Christian was absolutely not comfortable with the situation but secretly I felt a little bit happy about something that Christian disliked. After curfew we went into our rooms and quickly felt into a deep slumber. Luckily the rules said that no teacher was allowed to attack while everybody was asleep.

_And now - just press the small blue link, yes? Thank you!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Let me be honest - I'm kind of disappointed in you guys! But I'm stubborn and I'm going to finsih this story whether you like it or not! *grrrr*_

_But hey, please enjoy the next chapter!_

**CHAPTE****R 4 – Fighting with Lissa**

When I woke up the next morning I had a weird feeling about the upcoming day. Something just didn't feel right and I knew that it was concerning Lissa.

So I hushed Christian to get up and ready to get over to Lissa's room real quick. As soon as we arrived, I could feel the uneasiness and anger radiating off of my best friend but when I looked at her questioningly she only shook her head and gave me a fake smile. I knew that she would come to me if she would have a problem and it would be rather sooner than later. To push her into telling wouldn't do any good for the matter.

This day was nearly the same routine as yesterday, with the only difference that nobody was attacking us today. During the day I felt Lissa's feelings getting stronger and at lunch I really started to worry. Darkness in form of anger swept through the bond from time to time towards me and it scared me. I had no idea what I did wrong and briefly I wondered if Lissa was using her magic too much again. I made a small note to myself to ask her about the medication she promised me to take.

After classes had finally finished, we all went to the library again to continue the study. Before everybody settled down, I took my chances and pulled Lissa into the corner of the library again. I had asked Eddie to look after Christian in my place for a while and so the boys settled down a few rows away. When everybody was out of hearing distance, I turned towards her and asked:

"What is the matter with you? I can feel the darkness again, Lissa!" My voice sounded a little bit scared.

"Nothing is the matter with me! YOU are the problem here!" she spat, absolutely unlikely the Lissa I knew. Her dark blue eyes were sparkling with anger, hate and something I wasn't quite sure where to place it. It was somewhere along the lines of a condescending look but I couldn't believe this since this was absolutely unlike Lissa.

"WHAT?" I cried out, absolutely not believing what she just said. Lissa has never talked in such a tone with me, never ever!

"Yesterday, the fight with the teachers. You didn't want to safe Christian in the first place! You would have let him die if this would have been real Strigoi!" she shouted at me, anger shaking her voice.

It was a very rare moment in which I had no retort because this was just so ridiculous!

"I would never let have Christian die on purpose and you know that!" I said after I had found my voice back.

"No, I don't know that. But I know for certain that you don't like my boyfriend!"

"Lissa,", I said, trying to calm her down, "I would never let your boyfriend die on purpose! I don't really like him that much is true I'll have to admit but I would never let you getting hurt so badly!"

"Oh really? I wouldn't like to find that out in a real fight! You where just standing there watching as Alberta attacked him!" Lissa had gone beyond reasoning and I rarely found my friend in her talking. It was absolutely not her and I was scared. Not that she would hit me or something in that way, but that I would also lose my best friend. Lissa was so lost in her anger and hatred that she would have to put up a really hard fight to return. Right now I didn't even see the willingness to do so.

"This is absolutely not true! I was too far away and I would have never made it right on time!" I tried to reason her.

"Oh no, you weren't even trying. You just stood there and watched!"

"Lissa, this is not true!" I said again, not knowing what else to say.

"You know what? I don't need you! I don't need a Guardian I can't trust! Go away Rosemary Hathaway! Go away!" she said, turning on her heel and storming off.

I stood there, glued to the spot, not knowing what to say or what to think. Could it be true that my best friend since kindergarten had just dumped me and said that she doesn't need me? I can't believe it! Why do suddenly all people close to me leave me?

The second time within a few weeks my heart broke. The using of my full name indicated that Lissa had meant what she said. She didn't need me and she told me to go away!

Slowly I crouched down with my back on a shelf, through my knees closer and wrapped my arms around them, trying to hold myself together. I would not cry, at least not in front of the whole school. But it was so hard and for the first time in my life I knew that I was going to lose this one fight. So I jumped up and ran straight back to my room, ignoring everyone that crossed my way.

When I had reached my room I had calmed down a little bit and my mind started working again. I couldn't understand why Lissa was acting so weird, as it had never been a trait of her personality to be so mean and selfish. Curious I tried to calm down, concentrate and soon I found myself connected to her.

"Lissa, what did you do?" Christian asked her, absolutely furious. I've never seen him this way and it made me a little bit happier.

"I just told her to leave. She was endangering you on purpose, Christian!" Lissa exclaimed.

Christian stepped closer to her. "From where did you get that crazy idea? She was far too way off from me to reach Alberta. How do you think she could have possibly saved me?" Oh, oh, he was really mad now, his deep blue eyes burning into Lissa's.

"Rose just stood there watching while you were in danger! Her job was to protect you and she failed miserably!" Like a small child Lissa stomped her food on the floor and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I will not risk losing you just because she is so selfish and cannot accept you!" Whoa, I was selfish now? Awesome, that's just what I wanted to hear!

"Lissa, you two have a bond and that's something rare and special. You've always wanted Rose to be you Guardian!" Christian tried again to talk some sense into her. If I actually would have been personally there I would have almost give him a hug. Oh, I started to like firefly!

"I don't care. I can get another Guardian that will be more responsible and reliable than her!"

With some effort I finally got out of Lissa's head again and found myself back in my room.

I couldn't believe what I've just heard. It was actually really hilarious but I couldn't get myself to laugh. I knew that I probably had lost my best friend now also and I hated that feeling, as I would always be connected to her until the day I die. I would actually never really be able to leave her and I was sure that she was absolutely aware of that.

Obviously she didn't want me anymore in her life, but it was not that easy for me to let her go. We've been best friends since that fateful day when I had hit a teacher with a book because she made us spell our names without end. At the age of four you really had other things in mind and didn't want to make a fool of yourself with names like Rosemary Hathaway and Vasilissa Dragomir. It had just been downright mean. From that day on we've been almost inseparable like twins.

During the bad incidents that happened at St. Vlad's, I had always stayed by her side and protected her, almost giving up my own friends. Then, when I had made the decision that I would get her out of the school, I wasn't the only one leaving friends behind, but somehow Lissa had never really cared what I had given up for her.

The two years we had stayed away from school had actually been the best one's in my life so far. Lissa started to loosen up and we quite enjoyed ourselves.

Returning to the Academy again after two years had brought back old memories and new enemies. I've never actually had the chance to tell her about Dimitri and I. Speaking of Dimitri, I laughed sarcastically. Now this wouldn't have been a problem anymore … but now it was too late.

I felt my sense of fighting returning finally. After Dimitri had left I had fallen into a deep hole and couldn't find the strength to climb out again. Now, after what Lissa has said about me, I felt my former strength returning and I promised myself to only look ahead and never look back again. What happened with Dimitri would never leave me and part of him would always be with me, I knew that with certainty.

But what happened with Lissa I couldn't really comprehend but I would go on and not fall to my knees in agony. I would fight and show her what she would be missing. In the end it certainly wouldn't be me who was hurt …

_Liked it? Didn't like it? Please give me a review still! Thank you!_

_Lilian85_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello everyone! Thank you for the awesome reviews whcih really built me up. My special thanks go to MorganUNTWriter - you really helped me with your review! Thank you!_

_Please, enjoy the next chapter!_

**CHAPTE****R 5 – Something about Alberta**

The next morning I woke up early. The training with Dimitri had turned me into an early morning person and I knew I couldn't get back to sleep. Also it was time to set my plan into action.

So I stood up quickly, changing in my running outfit and went off to the track, which I knew would be empty at this early morning hour. Plugging my ear phones into my MP3-player, I switched into my running list of music and started my laps. After the 20 laps I usually do every morning just to stay in shape (and to have a small trip down memory lane to my time running with Dimitri), I returned to the gym and took a quick shower. Then I went directly to Alberta's office and knocked on her door. I knew that she was also a morning person and would be in her office at this hour already.

"Come in!" I heard her saying.

Alberta looked surprised when I entered her office. A gave her a quick nod which she shortly responded.

"I must say I'm surprised seeing you so early, Rose. What can I do for you?" Somehow I had the feeling that Alberta was one of those persons that could smell troubles one mile away. But she still was down to the point and I appreciated that very much. She always gave you the feeling that she treated you equally and this gave me the strength to tell what I was up to.

"Yesterday I had a huge fight with Lissa. She said that I haven't tried enough to protect Christian the day you attacked us. She told me to leave her and I certainly don't have the strength now to also fight for her." This short version must do, I decided. Alberta didn't like too many information and too much talk. She only wanted to know the facts to make a decision.

"What do you think? Could it be that you didn't protect him enough?" This was a test and I knew it. This was my chance to turn the tables.

"Well, I'm not sure. Maybe I could have. Personally I think I was too far off to reach him in time. I'm surely wouldn't have let him die on purpose!"

"I know that, Rose. So what do you want to do now?" Alberta asked, looking at me questioningly.

"I want to step down from the assignment and would rather change with someone else. Princess Dragomir made it completely clear to me that she didn't want me anywhere near her, so I think this would be the best way." I used Lissa's official name on purpose to distance me from her. It was hard in the beginning but I would come to terms with this situation.

"Well," Alberta hesitated shortly before she continued, "Please remember that this is your field trip and you can't step down from it. You're so close to finally graduating, Rose! And I don't have anyone you can just switch with. I would have to assign you to someone who doesn't have a Guardian now. And this could become very difficult to explain. And it might even cost you some points!"

"Yes, I know that, Guardian Petrov. But please, help me with this one. It's already difficult for me as it is." I started to beg her.

"I know that, Rose. Let me see if I can get you assigned to another Moroi, okay?" She said.

"Thank you, Guardian Petrov!" I stood up and walked towards the door of her office.

"Rose?" I heard her asking, my hand already on the door knob. I turned around slowly, afraid of the question she was about to ask me now. I knew for certain that it didn't concern Guardian business.

"Yes, Guardian Petrov?" I asked reluctantly.

"How are you coping?" Alberta asked, looking me straight into the eye. Lying wouldn't help me out for sure this time.

"It's alright. I'll get over it." I knew she was referring to the loss of Dimitri and the feelings I had for him.

"Are you sure?" Alberta challenged, "Let me tell you a story." She looked at me and when I gave a short nod for her to start, she did so.

"Some years ago I had been in the exact same position as you two had been in. I fell in love with another Dhampir Guardian and to my astonishment he returned the feelings I had for him. Slowly we built up some sort of a relationship, but always keeping it a secret. It was adventurous at times but also very difficult at others."

Alberta still looked at me and I knew that she wanted to tell me something by opening up to me. So I listened closely as she continued.

"The problem we had was that we both had been assigned to the same Moroi, a situation you two would have been in after graduating from the Academy. Our Moroi was oblivious to our relationship and one day it happened. The Moroi and we both Guardians where out that night, when a group of two Strigoi attacked. They had been young and we would have coped with them easily but when my boyfriend got hit badly, I made a huge mistake and lost focus. I only wanted to safe him, our Moroi I had forgotten about. The end of the story was that I had lost both – my boyfriend and the Moroi and believe me – I'm still trying to cope with it."

It was silent for s few minutes in her office, as I tried to understand what she was trying to tell me.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'll never really get over it? Is that what you're trying to say?" I asked her quietly.

"Yes, Rose. A love, so deep and pure that you both had, will never fade. I'm sure you've realized that much already. But I'm also telling you that one day you might find someone you can also love. Not the same way that you did love Dimitri, but nearly as much."

"What about the pain?" I asked her. "Will this ever fade?"

"No, at least not so fast." She answered, knowing that it wouldn't bring me anything but still being honest with me.

"Thank you, Guardian Petrov, I appreciate you being so open with me."

"Rose, I have watched your life during the last years closely and I always felt respect for you how you cope with problems life throws at you. I knew that you're mostly coping with them on your own, because Moroi tend to not see them. I also saw the changes you went through when Dimitri stepped into your life. You really became a different person and I was glad that you found something that could take your mind off things. But I also saw how it destroyed you when he left. You're a really good Guardian and you know what it means to be one. Sometimes even more than older Guardians do. Believe in yourself again, Rose. You're a fighter and I am absolutely sure that you'll arrange with the situation you're in now. And you will win, I know that!"

I could only smile thankfully at Alberta for her words of encouragement and with a short nod I left her office, her words circling in my head. She had given me something to think about and her words about me made me proud. I had never really been aware of her watching over me. But I felt the will to fight returning, something I had been missing during the last weeks.

I could do it and I would show everybody that Rose Hathaway was back in the play and I surely would conduct it. And now, step two of my plan would come into action: showing Lissa that I certainly wasn't depending on her to life a happy life.

At lunch Alberta approached me and told me about my new protégé: Mia Rinaldi. I was astonished to feel happiness when I heard her name. In Spokane she had proven to be someone you could count on at any time and since then, we got along really good. We would have so much fun together, I was absolutely sure.

_Thank you for reading!_

_Lilian85_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello again! Sorry I had been neglecting this story for a while, but I had to write something else first, before continuing with this story. You can check out the results when you read the one-shpt BREAKDOWN. I would be very happy. But I finally have the new chapter from this story ready for you. YEAH ME! But this is only a little bit fluff, before the next major event happens to our dearly loved Rose. Poor one. But this will be on the next chapter, I've also written out already. But I wanna be mean a little bit so I will poste it later. ;)_

**CHAPTE****R 6 – Life at St. Vladimir's Academy**

During the next two days Mia and I got close really fast. We hang out nearly all day and talked long into the night. She had heard about the fight and Lissa telling me to stay away from her. Mia had also seen my changes and my struggle to stay alive, but she never pushed me into telling her. She only told me that she had seen it but she left the decision to tell her up to me. I appreciated it very much and I promised myself that I would tell her. Not today but someday I would.

When Mia and I got attacked, I finished off the teachers quick and efficiently. Alberta, who had watched the fight, nearly beamed at me and Mia was happy, too. When the teachers said their praise, I saw Lissa walking by closely knowing exactly that she wanted to listen. When she realized me being praised, I saw a frown appear on her face and she stalked away quickly. Eddie gave me a short nod and even Christian gave me a thumb-up! Luckily, Lissa didn't see that, otherwise Christian would be in trouble right now.

I found myself enjoying the company of Mia more and more each day. She was fun to be around with and her friends included me in their circle quickly. With them I learned how to laugh again and slowly something close to my old me returned.

Lissa had also made new friends in the Moroi groups again. Much to Christian's disappointment, since they still didn't treat him like one of them but more like he would turn into a Strigoi soon. Lissa obviously didn't mind much and so it happened from time to time that Christian would leave her with her new friends and come over to the group gathered around Mia and me. When Lissa wasn't around Christian also loosened up a bit it so I found myself making new friends and not really missing Lissa at all.

At the beginning it was hard for me seeing her with the other Moroi talking and laughing. But the feeling through the bond told me that her smiling and laughing was a fake. I felt her struggling even more than me to cope with the situation she had brought on us, but I promised myself to stay hard and to let her come to me. She had made the decision to send me away and she must be the one to come to me. I wouldn't give in I promised to myself and I was keen on keeping that promise.

A few weeks after Mia had been named my protégé, I felt ready to tell her why Lissa and I weren't talking anymore. Also it was close to the end of the school year and soon she would go to Court and I hadn't made any plans yet. But I was sure not going to the Court! I probably would be called to protect a Moroi which I had been training for all those last years.

At the end of the day I pulled Mia aside and up to my room.

"I need to tell you something." I had said to her earlier and now she was probably guessing the right direction in which this talk would go. When we arrived at my room, we sat down on the bed and I pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a Coke to mix up some drinks from my secret hiding place under the bed. I knew that Mia didn't mind parties with alcohol and likes the mix of whiskey and Coke a lot.

With a raised eyebrow she looked at me but I only grinned and shrugged my shoulders.

"Alcohol loosens the tongue to make it easier for me. You know me!" I laughed.

"Oh yeah, I do!" Mia answered, also laughing. After I had mixed us some drinks, we casually leaned back against the wall and enjoyed the first sips of our drinks.

"I never thought that something could separate you and Lissa.", Mia hesitantly started the conversation, "I always thought that you two where in-seprable, you know?"

"Yeah, I thought the same. But obviously we've been wrong, haven't we?" This was more a rhetorical question and Mia guessed that much.

After a few more sips and minutes of comfortable silence I started to tell Mia my story. I told her everything: how I met Dimitri for the first time, how we started to have feelings, why we didn't show our relationship in public and how it ended.

It was hard for me to talk about everything. With telling, all my bundled and deeply hidden feelings came back up and this made it even more difficult to speak about. For the first time I realizes that Lissa had not asked me once what had happened when she found me standing at the gates that night. I wondered about the reasons briefly but quickly dismissed them since this wouldn't help me any. I couldn't even ask her.

Mia didn't cut in on my speech for once. She only listened to me, wrapping an assuring hand around mine to push me further, when I haltered in my story for a deep breath. I felt the tears being close but with some effort I pushed them away, not giving into this weakness. I had already cried enough for the loss of my love, now came the time to look into the future.

When I had finished the story of Dimitri and I, I patiently waited for her to work everything through I had just told her. I knew that it was a lot to take in, since nobody had ever suspected this, but I also was sure that Mia wouldn't expel me because of me having been so secret about our relationship. She would understand, of that I was absolutely sure.

"Wow!" was all she said at first, "I had never expected something like this. You both must have really loved each other."

"Yeah, I thought so, too." I said, giving her a small smile. "But for the obvious facts I was the only one believing this." The alcohol seemed to help seeing this more from the sarcastic side than in reality. Also the alcohol numbed the pain.

"I'm sorry, Rose!" Mia said, pulling me into a friendly hug, "I know how hard it is when you lose someone, you know? I'll always be here to help you when needed, okay?"

"Thanks." I mumbled into her shoulder.

After a while of hanging on to thoughts, Mia shifted slightly and said:

"Well, so what about you and Lissa? I don't want to be rude, but I can feel that this is bugging you also."

"That's a totally different story!", I said, pushing myself into telling her. I still had the feeling that Mia could never replace what Lissa and I had, but it could get pretty close to that. And I still felt the urge to protect Lissa at all costs, and some days I had to fight harder than on others not to go to Lissa and ask for her to take back the words she had shouted in me.

"I was guessing that already, but if you're not up to it, I can understand that. You don't have to tell me."

"No, it's no big deal, really.", I shrugged, acting as if I wouldn't really care, but Mia knew that it was just that – an act. "I was named to protect Christian in our field trip a few weeks ago. Lissa had the opinion, that I didn't protect Christian good enough and she wouldn't need a Guardian she couldn't truly trust. Lissa thought that I was not protecting Christian on purpose and if the teachers would have been real Strigoi, Christian would be dead by now. Or a Strigoi also. So, that's what it basically was about and why she ad ditched me."

"That's stupid! I know that you had been too far away to protect him! And I'm sure that you wouldn't let anything happen to the person that is almost as important to Lissa as you have been. It's ridiculous!" Mia exclaimed which made me smile. I could count n her to stand up for me when needed and this feeling as really good for my battered soul.

"It doesn't matter, actually. She told me to stay away from her and this will be exactly what I'll do." I said, putting more force into my voice than I actually felt.

"But it's not right. You two were meant for each other and you know it. What will you do after graduation?" Mia asked persuasion audible in her voice.

"It doesn't matter. I'll just get a new protégé to protect, so this will be no big deal." I shrugged casually. There was not really much to do about it.

"I'm just feeling sorry for you. You're the one left behind, not only by Dimitri but by Lissa also. At least she should have helped you through this."

"Mia, it's okay now as it is. Leave it at that. You cannot change it anyway." I said, being moved at her fighting for me.

"Rose, tell me just one thing: did Lissa ever ask you why you had been so depressed?"

"No, she never did." I admitted whispering. Voicing the thought out laud, made the pain come back and quickly I filled up my glass drowning it nearly at once.

_I hope you liked this chapter. I think it was important to show some facts about Rose's and Lissa's relationship but also to show the trust Rose is having towards Mia. I like that girl and am really happy to be able to give her a major role in this story._

_Please don#t forget to give me a review whether you liked it or not. Thank you!_

_Lilian85_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello again! I'm really sorry that it had taken this long since I updated last time, but I was sick and work was tacking it's toll on me. So I beg your forgiveness that I wasn't really fond of updating. But this is another chapter - so please enjoy!_

**CHAPTE****R 7 – WHAT? Marriage?**

A few days before graduation, I had a visitor I wasn't expecting at all: my mother, the one and only famous Guardian Janine Hathaway. I had been on my way from lunch break to my next class when she had suddenly stepped out of the Guardian building on campus and came over to me.

"Hi!", I said, standing in front of her awkwardly.

"Hello Rose!" she answered, looking up to me a little bit. Sometimes it was good when you were taller than you mother, so you at least once have a feeling of towering over her, even if she was named to be one of the best Guardians. Surely I wasn't her daughter for nothing.

"Um, I've got class now. If you don't mind …" , I tried my way to get out of this uncomfortable situation. Speaking to my mother was always either awkward or throwing insults at each other. I can't remember when we have had our last civil conversation, probably around the age of one because I haven't been able to talk back then.

"Well, I don't want to get late. I just wanted to talk to you this evening. It is kind of important, so I wanted to know if we could get something to eat at one of the small cabins." She said, looking everywhere except towards me.

"Yeah, sure. No problem. Around eight?" I said.

"Okay, that's fine." She said, giving me a small smile and disappearing into the big grounds of the Academy. Well, that was weird to say at least. But then the bell ripped me out of my dazed state and I sprinted towards the classroom. Shit, I would be late again!

Luckily the teacher was also a few minutes late and so I quietly sat down in the back of the room, guardening Mia, a few seconds before the teacher entered the room. The rest of the classes went by in a fluid motion, since it was only for attendance, but not to get grades anymore. The end of my school time was coming up fast and next week already I would be graduating. Honestly I was seeing forward to this since the Academy held too many memories for me of a happier time and a much happier Rose.

After the end of classes, Mia and I met up to come together with another bunch of students and Novices to hang out until dinner time. Before they went to the cafeteria, I asked another fellow Novice to guard Mia for me for a few hours and left the group to go to the cabin to meet up with my mother. I was curious what she wanted to talk to me about.

Right on time I arrived at the cabin and seeing light emerging from the open windows, I figured that my mother was already inside. Without further ado I opened the doors and entered. And surely my mother was already seated in front of a heavily laden table in the corner of the small cabin. The smell of food reached my nose and my stomach started to grumble unladylike.

My mother looked up to me and beckoned me to the table.

"Hi!" she said, when I sat down across from her. The food on the table let my mouth start watering. There was so much food and most of it was my favorite! I questioned myself briefly from where she knew that, but I didn't want a tension to build up between us again, so I swallowed this one question.

"So, how was your day?" she asked. I could hear that my mother was nervous and wanted to start with an easy conversation. I gladly responded.

"It was okay. Not really much happening anyway anymore." I shrugged, starting to collect food on my plate.

"I heard that you were not guardening Lissa. Why is that?"

"We've got into a huge fight a few weeks ago and she told me to stay away from her. She is on the look-out for a new Guardian." I answered casually, not wanting her to show how this situation got to me. But when I looked up, I saw the concern in her eyes and strength she had to muster, not to push deeper. I was very thankful for that. Sometimes she could come close to the picture I had of a real mother. But unfortunately it was not very often. I mean what kind of mother would forget the birthday of their own daughter? Well, mine could!

"So how did you do on your field trip?" she asked further. Somehow I got the impression of sitting in an interrogation of some sort, but it was her way of catching up, I guess.

"Good, actually. I won all my fights and even Alberta – Guardian Petrov – praised me in front of the others. But I don't know my grade yet." Slowly I was stuffing the really good tasting food inside until my mother gave me a stern look and I started to eat more slowly.

"That is good. I know that you will have good grades!" my mother said, absolutely certain. WOW! This was new! My mother even thinking that highly of me? I was looking bat her stunned.

"Erm, thanks, I guess …" I stuttered, blushing slightly. This must have been the first compliment my mother ever graced me with in my life.

"So, why did you want to talk to me?" Now it was my mother fidgeting around and not looking very comfortable with the sudden chance in conversation. "Nobody had died, I hope?" I asked trying to lightening the mood. Why was I suddenly trying to make it easier for my mother to talk to me?

"Well, I'm now going to tell you something and I'm asking you to listen like the adult you are! I'm also aware of the fact that this might shock you a little bit but please listen first!" she practically begged me.

"Okay, shoot!" I said, getting my mother off her concept for a second. But soon she had put back on her mask.

"I've never told you about your father though you've often asked me to do so. I'm sorry I have never found the strength to tell you about him and I can understand why you had been so mad at me."

Oh oh! Did I want to know where this was going?

"Your father had been a very influential Moroi, not always having a clean record, I must admit. But I still fell in love with him, I just couldn't help it."

Tell me something new! I know exactly what you're talking about.

"Well to make a long story short, I had slept with the Moroi that I had sworn to protect and you had been the result." For the first time she looked me in the eye, a small smile on her face.

I looked at her shocked.

"Wow!" I said, not really knowing what else to say. "Well, I … I … I am shocked, mom!"

"I know it's not easy and I should have told you all of that earlier, but I didn't." she said quietly.

For the first time in my life I had the feeling of having a really adult conversation with my mother! And this actually scared me.

"So, what did you do?" I asked to make it a little bit easier for her. I guess she felt as uncomfortable as I did.

"I told him that I was pregnant and that I would stop being his guardian. He tried to stop me but I was afraid what would happen and so I left him to return to the States. When you were born I had to make the hardest decision ever in my life: to keep you and stop being a Guardian or to give you into the Academy to follow my career."

"Yeah, skip that. We know the decision you made." I said, not even trying to keep the sarcasm away.

"Rose! I want you to understand why I did that! I know now that it probably had been the wrong decision but back then I didn't have many options. My mother disowned me for having a baby so soon and I have never had any contact to them since then. I was only 18, having nowhere to go and a small baby I could hardly take care of!" she explained, silently begging me to understand her situation.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It could have avoided some arguments between us, you know?" I answered.

"I know and I'm sorry for that!" she said sadly, "But at that time it seemed to be the only option I had."

We stayed silent after that for a few minutes. My mother being stuck in the past and me wondering what else would come. This probably wasn't the real reason why she had wanted to talk to me in private.

"Well," she started again, fidgeting now more than before, "let's get to the reason why I had wished for this talk. I've met you father again a few months ago and … well … ehm … "

I guess my mother was at loss for words and this made me smile. Raising one eyebrow, I said:

"And you hooked up again?"

My mother stared at me for the choice of words, but then she smiled and said: "Yes."

"So, when will I meet him?" I asked her, totally excited to meet my father for the first time in my life! Especially if it is a person that could make my mother smile and blushing.

"Soon. He'll come for your graduation. But there's something else I need to tell you!"

"Do I get a brother? Please!" I said, laughing at her blushing even more.

"No, but we will marry!" Now it was my turn to look shocked. "WHAT? Marriage?" Oh boy, there were only so many times to get shocked by your own mother!

_I really hope you liked this chapter - I'm still certain that Rose and her mother can get along!_

_Please give me a review on what you think! Thank you!_

_Lilian85_


	8. Chapter 8

__

_This is more or less only some sort of filling chappie, but still I would like to deticate it to MorganUNTWrite! _

_Please enjoy!_

**CHAPTE****R 8 – Good-bye USA! Hello Turkey!**

The Graduation Ceremony was finally over and now I was on my way to the Turkey. After the official Graduation the novices had received their promise marks but I didn't since I would be leaving the country soon. I had made my decision to move with my parents to the Turkey and to take some time out before returning to the guardian business again. I wanted this year for myself to get to know my parents, especially my father Abe Mazur.

Also the big wedding of my parents – this sounded so strange to say at least – would take some time to plan, so we all decided to take some time off. My mother seem to cope with it better than I did, because I knew I would my old life at the Academy with Lissa more in the Turkey than here in the US. It would have been so much more fun to explore the new country together with Lissa.

When we arrived at the airport in Istanbul after a flight that seemed to never be ending, my father opened me that we still hadn't arrived at our destination. Another small plane was waiting for us a little afar from the main airport to bring us to Izmir where we entered a big black car – it was a Chevy they told me later – to be driven to the small town of Cesme. When we finally arrived at my new home I was too tired to take a look around and went straight to bed. I wasn't even able to take a look at my new room, because as soon as my head hit the pillow I was unconscious.

When I awoke the next morning I was confused. This didn't look like my room at the Academy at all and I took me a few moments to realize that I wasn't actually at the Academy at all. When my brain had gotten behind the dazed state of sleep I remembered that I was in Turkey now, together with my parents.

To get a closer look at my new home I slowly sat up in the big four poster bed. The curtains had been fastened at the bed post so the sunlight made its way inside. The whole room was spacious and only a few pieces of furniture stood in various spaces. The walls had been colored in a light yellow with deep red stripes crossing without an actual pattern and a big window allowed looking outside.

Intrigued by the light remitting through the huge window, I slowly pushed away the covers and stood up. Taking a few steps on the plush carpet in a light beige color, I pushed away the lighter white curtains being moved by a soft breeze, and stepped out onto a huge balcony. The view I was having from this balcony was astonishing. Huge acres of pure green stretched out in front of me, only being accented by darker green trees and bushes. And at the end of all the green I saw the sea, sparkling in deep blue and turquoise colors.

I have always loved the ocean and taking a swim in the cool water in the morning would make me an absolute happy person. Whirling around, when I heard the door opening, I saw my mother standing in the door.

"Good morning, Rose. Do you like it?" she asked, nodding to the window.

"Yeah, it's absolutely breathtaking." I answered, still astonished about the thin friendship my mother and me had built up during the last days. It seemed that there still was a slim chance that we could have a real mother-daughter-relationship one day. To my astonishment this thought made me happy.

"I suggest you take a quick shower and we meet us down in the living room where we can have breakfast." she suggested.

"Sure thing. Give me thirty minutes." I said, already walking towards my suitcase to take out some comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. It was summer here in the Turkey and I could already feel the heat making its way through the open window.

When my mother had vanished again, I walked towards the small door, I had missed when checking out my new room earlier. It made me happy to not have to share a bathroom with other people as I had to in St. Vladimir's Academy.

Thinking about my old school my thoughts automatically turned in the direction I wasn't really fond of thinking about. I tried to convince myself that I had no interest in what Lissa was doing but I knew that I was lying to myself. I still cared for her deeply and it had been a very long time since I had been in her head the last time. Right then I decided to give it a try, calculating in the time difference. It would be near to midnight in the States right now but since they would still be living by Moroi schedule, it would be around lunch time there.

I sat back down on my bed, afraid I might all down when would rush in to her head too deep, I started to relax and let my mind wander off over the big ocean.

"Lissa! Dinner is ready!" I heard Christian calling out for me where I was placed on the couch, surrounded by schedules of classes and lists of various teachers I would get to know at the new university. I was thankful for Queen Tatiana to arrange this, even though I would have to face many social responsibilities while studying. It would be a though four years but after that I knew my chance of becoming queen someday would be almost a hundred percent. I would be able to reach my goal.

"Lissa, hun, are you coming?" I stood up quickly and walked into our kitchen where I saw Christian standing in front of the oven, making lunch. I would never get tired of watching him move. He was so graceful for a man and yet each move gave an impression of his real powers. He was strong, not only his body but his magic ability also. Christian still trained with his aunt Tasha on a regular basis and this worked out just fine. Taking towards the love of my life, I wrapped my arms around his torso lovingly. I still loved Christian with all my heart and I was certain that these feelings would never fade.

"Hungry?" he asked in his deep voice, his mouth turned upwards into a beautiful smile.

"Yes, very." I answered, giving him a quick kiss on his cheek. Then I turned around to put plates and silverware on the table. Bringing over the pot with noodles and tomato sauce, we sat down on the table and filled our plates.

After a few moments of silence, Christian suddenly looked up at me and asked as question I wished he wouldn't have asked ever.

"Have you heard something from Rose?"

"No." I shrugged, knowing that he could easily see through my act of ignorance. He knew very well how much I missed her, but still couldn't get myself to call her.

"Try it, Lissa. I know that you miss her, why is it so hard for you to get over your fight and call her?" he urged her.

"Because I still can't get over how much she had changed. She hadn't been the Rose I used to know for some time now and this scared me."

Christian's deep blue eyes bored into mine. "Why have you never asked her?"

I started to feel uncomfortable under his stare. He was going on territory I wasn't so sure about following him.

"I don't know. Why should I? she had always been the constant part in our friendship. She never changed and this was something I could always rely on."

"Don't you see how selfish you've been? Rose is as human as you are. Have you never even wondered why she had changed so much?" His voice showed how much he cared about our friendship.

"I did!" I said, defending myself. "I just didn't ask her." I mumbled, not really wanting him to hear this. I squirmed on my seat, not really comfortable with the direction this discussion went.

Christian shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe you should ask her. I'm having the feeling that something drastic had been the reason behind this all."

"Yeah," I said, shoving a fork full of noodles in my mouth and swallowing quickly. "I'll call her later, okay?" I tried to convince him, not so sure if I would really do this. A part of me missed her dearly and our old friendship which had been so close but the other side still was mad at her to not talk to me about her problems.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, both being deeply in our thoughts.

I forced myself leave her head and to return back into my own body. I was astonished about the conversation and also about Lissa's feelings. Had I really hurt her for not telling her about my love for Dimitri? I had been so deeply in my own world, trying to get rid of the daemons ruling it, that I had never really thought about how Lissa felt. Maybe it had been my fault after all?

I sighed. But it still would have been nice of Lissa to ask what problems I was having when she saw clearly that something was wrong. Didn't real friends do that? Why would I have always come to her to tell something? She could have also come to me.

I sighed again, standing off of the bed and heading towards the bathroom and a wonderful warm shower. Knowing that thinking about the past would bring me nowhere I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower.

But still did I miss my Lissa. And also the other person that played such a major role in my short life. Dimitri. Again my thoughts started to wander off, wondering what his new life had brought him. Was he happy? I believed so. Did he miss me? I could only hope.

Starting the warm water I let it wash away a tear that had escaped. I would miss both of them dearly every day of my life, though I knew it was time for me to move on. With a broken soul and heart.

_Please tell me whether you liked it or not!_

_Thank you!_

_Liilian85_


	9. Chapter 9

__

_Sorry, but I know this is just another filling chapter. But the action as well as our cutest Russian Guardian will reappear soon! I promise!_

_Still enjoy the chappie, though!_

**CHAPTE****R 9 – Wedding Preparations**

It had been busy weeks of preparing a big wedding with so many Moroi, humans and Dhampir's attending, that the security had been on high alert. Together with my father's chief of securities, a very experienced Guardian named Kevin, I was allowed to plan out the security measurements for the wedding. This was using up most time of the day, thinking and speaking about plans of the building and gardens as well as keeping in contact with local security forces.

Since my father was not only active in Moroi politics but also in the human politics, he had many friends and even more enemies. This is what put such events as a wedding on high alert. It also had been a good possibility for me to get my mind off thinks I really didn't want o think about.

As I was their daughter it had also gotten my responsibility to plan out the clothing, luckily together with my mother. Sitting over fabrics, colors and cuts of different dresses had brought a closeness I had never thought possible. Somehow I started to have an actual daughter feeling towards my mother. The fact, that my mother had started to treat me like a grown woman, was also very helpful. And to have a father, that loved my mother and me dearly was the best think on earth. Long talks between us three had also explained many things that had happened in the past and the hatred I had always felt towards my parents had changed into love. My world was almost perfect now.

The day of the wedding was moving closer now and there where many appointments in the city I had to attend to clarify the last details. One of these appointments was to check on the braid maid's dresses as well as the wedding dress of my mother. I hadn't seen it before and I was nearly as excited as my mother when we entered the store, at least five Guardians trailing behind.

When my mother had tried on her dress I was astonished how beautiful she looked. Since she had quit her job as a Guardian, she had had enough time to visit all possible beauty spas to get her skin back to the soft feeling it usually would have. Her brown eyes, so much like mine, were sparkling with joy and happiness. Honestly, I had to choke back some tears that were threatening to spill seeing her so happy. Deep down inside, a very hurtful thought fought its way to the surface. Would I ever be able to be as happy as my mother would be in her future? Would I ever have the possibility to marry the man I love? Surely not, I answered the question myself dryly before shoving it back somewhere in the back of my mind.

After the seamstress had made the needed changes, it was time for me to see my dress for the first time. My mother had chosen it keeping it a secret until today.

When the clerk appeared back again, carrying a big black dress I was as excited as I was on Christmas before getting presents. I knew it would be a wonderful dress. Nearly running towards the dressing room, I quickly got out of my jeans and t-shirt and opened the big bag in awe. Out came a wonderful strapless dress in Bordeaux red, which just reached above my knees. It was simple but jet so beautiful that this time I really spilled some tears. It was the perfect dress for me and it astonished me that my mother had found it for me.

I put it on quickly, taking the dark brown looks out of the pony tail and letting it spill down my back. Taking a glance at the nearby full length mirror, the sheer beauty of this dress took my breath away. Stepping out of the room I saw my mother looking at me in awe.

"This is perfect, Rose." She said, walking over to me and stepping around me. Even the seamstress didn't have to change anything since it fit perfectly.

"Yeah, can I keep it?" I asked jokingly, still staring down at this dress. For the first time in so long I felt absolutely happy.

My mother only laughed. "Yes, of course."

After I had taken off the dress, feeling a little bit sad, we looked at the braid maid's dresses. Since the braid maid's would come here tomorrow for the last fitting, our job was done quickly; we left the store after only one hour and headed towards an Italian restaurant. Today was a women's day, as my mother had proclaimed this morning, so we would only do things we wanted to do.

While enjoying pasta and pizza, my mother and talked about possible hair styles that would go with my dress nicely. In the end we decided that I would leave my hair day, only some strands in the front pulled back to put them up in the back. One dark red rose in the hair would make my outfit perfect.

Since the rest of the day also belonged to us, we decided to go to the nearest mall to get some jewelry for my mother and me. Walking from shop to shop we stopped here and there to also get some other needed stuff, the Guardians always trailing behind. Some passengers looked at us questioningly when they saw us two women being followed by five huge men, all dressed alike with grim faces.

Not caring at all, my mother and I entered every store we wanted, making the Guardians only blush and feeling uneasy when we entered the Victoria's Secret store. Being as dutifully as they had been taught, they followed us after a short second of hesitation.

Laughing silently at our five guys, my mother and I took our time to select some different kind of underwear. After we had settled on what we wanted we left the store, letting our Guardians carry the bags.

Shopping definitely made me hungry, so I pulled my mother over into a small café to get something with enough calories to make me happy. When we both had received our orders, we chose a seat far enough from everyone else, so we could talk without being overheard.

"How are you doing?" my mother asked me, looking at me with concern written in her eyes. I had told her about all my problems a while ago and we have come to an understanding, that I would tell her when things changed. She had promised me to help me whenever needed in return.

"It's okay. The wedding is taking my mind off things and I can sleep better now." I said, trying not to look at her.

I knew that she could read me as much as I could her and she would find out that it wasn't entirely true. I still had my breakdowns when thinking about Dimitri and Lissa. Even though Lissa had promised to call me weeks ago, she never had. Still feeling hurt with disappointment I had stopped going in her mind to watch what she was doing. I secretly had practiced to strengthen my inner walls to keep from being pulled into her head by strong emotions. I had finally succeeded and hadn't taken my walls down for some time now.

"But you're still fighting, am I right?" she asked quietly.

I nodded. There was nothing more that needed to be said. My mother probably knew as well as I how much it hurt to have to stay away from a person one loved with all her heart. The only difference was that her prince had returned and they would now have their happy end finally. My happy end would never come and this was knowledge I still yet had to cope with.

We enjoyed our coffee and cake in silence, watching people walking by and families discussing loudly further plans about what to do here.

After a while I needed to excuse myself and went to the restroom. The ladies' restroom was empty when I entered and I stepped to the huge mirror and looked at myself.

I still looked the same I did just yesterday but still I felt that something inside me was different. I had been happy all day long and hadn't had one thought about the past. It still pained me to see my mother radiating off so much happiness and love, but I knew that I was one reason for her happiness. Our lack of some sort of relationship in the past had pained us both, neither one of us being able to get over ourselves to reach the other. I had convinced myself that my mother didn't love me and just wanted to get rid of me by handing me over to St. Vladimir's Academy and letting them handling my education. Now I know that she did for total different reasons. But I also knew it wouldn't help dwelling in the past but to make the best of the present to get an even better future.

When suddenly a wave of nausea hit me, I felt bending over as if I would have to vomit. When nothing happened, I slowly turned around. When I heard a sound that sounded strangely like giggling, I stepped towards the small storage room, where all the cleaning supplies were stored. I was surprised when I opened the door to only see blackness. Still being aware of the nausea, I slowly took out my stake, to be prepared for everything that might be in there.

But what happened next, I was not prepared for. When a strange smelling cloth was laid over my nose and mouth and a strong arm was wrapped around me and pressed my own arms firmly against my side, I started to squirm and tried not to breathe. I knew that this must be chloroform on the cloth and I started to feel the effects immediately. My thoughts where getting dizzy and I felt my body strength leaving me, all muscles going lump.

Before I lost myself in the darkness I heard a sentence being hissed into my ear: "Hello, Rose Hathaway!" Then everything went blank.

_Did you enjoy it? Did it bore you? Please tell me with a review!_

_I know that many of you read my story and even add me to your alert and favorite lists. Thanks so much, but I still do appreciate a review, you know? It's only fair I think ..._

_Thanks still for reading!_

_Lilian85_


	10. Chapter 10

__

_Hey, another chappie! But before you gon on reading, let me tell you two things first:_

_ I've finally made the decision to create a own place, mainly only for VA FanArt. PLEASE, take a alook, I would be so happy when I would meet you there! Please check it out (link is on my profile)._

_**ATTENTION: This chapter contains absolute violence (though I tried to keep it at a minmum)! Please don't read if you don't like it! For those who don't want to read: I'll put up a short info/summary in my next chapter, I promise! For those who want to read - I hope you'll like it!**_

**CHAPTE****R 10 – Taken**

The first thing I felt was a huge headache approaching and the bad taste in my mouth. The smell of the chloroform still stuck in my nose, making my stomach revolt. My eyes were closed, the lids feeling heavy and my hearing was foggy only. My arm and leg muscles ached and my back was killing me, thanks to the hard surface I was lying on.

To sum it all up; I feel like having been run over by a truck.

Faint food steps getting louder by the second told me that I was no longer alone. Wherever I was. Slowly I felt the headache retreating, making it possible for me to think more clearly. Still staying still, I tried to gather more information about my surroundings. After Spokane this was the second time I was kidnapped, but this here seemed far more planned than the kidnapping almost half a year ago.

"I know you're awake, Rose." Suddenly a voice hissed close to me, startling me. "You can stop pretending now." The cover over my eyes was removed suddenly, making me groan in pain when bright light met my eyes.

I had to try several times to open them but finally succeeded though I wished I haven't immediately. Looming above me was a Strigoi – his red eyes staring down, the white fangs glooming dangerously. His smile was everything but promising pain.

For the first time I really felt scared. Realizing that this Strigoi was a totally different kind of the one's I've already met. His presence screamed torture and enjoying causing pain. I tried to scurry away from him, but had to see that I was bound by arms and legs to the bed I laid on. Now I knew what had caused the unpleasant pain I felt before.

"What do you want?" I tried to buy myself some time. I had to think of a plan to get out of here. My parents probably didn't have any I idea where I was. Regarding that I didn't know either it would be difficult to get away. Letting my gaze wander through the room they kept me in, I tried to gather some more information. Soon I had to find out that it was to no avail – it was a only a small room with an even smaller window up high. Absolutely not reachable for me.

"Oh, just some information. That was the original plan at least. Now … now I'm afraid the priorities have changed. I had no idea how beautiful you are." The Strigoi said, smiling cruelly, leaning down and whispered in my ear. "You are now my new priority."

* * *

I had lost the count of time. Hours, days, weeks … it didn't matter to me anymore. I only counted in pain … less pain and more pain. It was all that mattered.

Sometimes the Strigoi that had kidnapped me, his name was Steven, as I learned later on, didn't bother me for a long time. Each time the hope rose, that this would be over now. Unfortunately it didn't end. He kept coming back whenever it pleased him, pushing further my so called education.

When Steve came to pay me a visit, as he liked to call it sarcastically, I never knew what he would do. Inflicting pain on my already tortured body and mind or playing the role of a caring mentor. I never knew and he did everything to surprise me so I would never be able to prepare myself for what would be coming. It was his game to break me and I was close to let him succeed.

My back was hurting, warm blood running down my opened and raw beaten skin, causing searing pain. I wanted to scream. To scream it all out to ease the pain. But I knew this would only satisfy one person: Steve.

When another powerful blow of the leather whip fell on my exposed back, I felt my mind drifting into the darkness slowly. I felt my eyes roll back, when feeling another blow.

'_Roza. My dearest Roza._' Hearing this voice nearly made me cry if my eyes wouldn't have dried out already. '_Roza, don't give up._'

Was it possible? Was it possible to hear his voice or was my mind playing some sick game with me? Or was it another idea of Steve to bring me to my knees?

When another blow hit my already sore back, I felt my mind going blank, but not before whispering one word I thought to never say out loud again. "Dimitri."

* * *

It was cold. It was so cold that I saw my breath deserting my dry and bloody lips. Shivering I tried to make myself smaller on the cold bed, pulling the thin cover over my bloody beaten body, though it didn't help any. The sheet was covered with dried blood; my blood.

I wanted to turn towards the wall, to get some rest but every movement caused such an intense pain, that I couldn't find any strength to oblige my will. So I stayed in the same position as I had for the last hours, trying to ignore the pain.

It seemed that there was no bone in my body that hadn't been broken, no skin that wasn't raw and covered in blood. I even felt my mind breaking with each hit and blow and mean word piece by piece. And when I thought that my mind was about to break fully, I heard the voice again, giving me the strength to hold out.

'_Roza. I'm almost there. Don't give in. Don't ever give in._' he whispered to me, helping me to hold out the pain by closing up my mind deep inside myself. It was the only thing I could do to protect my soul though it was scarred already.

* * *

Footsteps sounded just outside the door, making my heart beat faster. I knew who it was, since I had heard his footsteps so many times before. I hardly had recovered from his last visit, and I feared that he had come again for another one.

Pushing the door open, Steve entered, smiling at me with his huge fangs visible. Those fangs had caused me some blood loss which only cause had been to weaken me.

"Hello Rosemary!" he said, closing the door behind him and taking some long strides until he stood at the side if my bed, staring down. "I hope you're doing better."

I didn't answer him, knowing that Steve wouldn't listen anyway. He never really cared how I felt, knowing that I was in pain and agony constantly. He saw to that.

"Who is Dimitri?" he suddenly asked, looking at me closely.

I stiffened on my bed, my nudity making me feeling vulnerable. Had I said his name out loud? I couldn't remember; everything was foggy in my mind.

"I don't know who you're talking about." I forced out, my voice hoarse due to lack of use.

Steve leaned down, looking in my eyes deeply. He seemed to search for something. A reaction maybe that would tell him something about Dimitri and our relationship.

Not wanting to give him something to hurt me further inside, I stared up at him, forcing every traitorous emotion out of my eyes.

"I don't know a Dimitri."

Steve stood back up, turning around to look at the door. "I just hope you're not lying. I hate lying and I will not be afraid to punish you for every lie you tell me."

Then he walked out, leaving me feeling unsure. What else could I have done? I still loved Dimitri deeply, even now trying to save him.

* * *

'_Roza. Stay strong. I'm close. I'll come and get you. I love you!_'

The vision of Dimitri I had created was whispering to me again, supporting me by giving me the strength to endure the pain and humiliation of Steve's punishment.

Steve had entered my cell today, the need to cause me pain radiating off him. He was calm and collected and this was it what gave me the idea of being in real trouble. Calmly he had told me, that he had found out who the person I called Dimitri was. And what he was to me. Steve promised me to kill him, but only after he had punished me severely.

This was what he was doing now. I had never imagined the former beatings to be like a walk in the park, but now I knew what pain really was. Even the imagined Dimitri voice wasn't helping me now as blows came down on my back, stomach, legs, arms and shoulders.

And for the first time I gave into the craving to scream. I screamed as loud as my hoarse voice could, sobbing at the same time. It was the worst I've ever experienced. For the first time I feared that he wouldn't stop until he bet me to death, quite literally.

'_Don't give in, Roza. Don't you dare do that to me._' The imaginary voice of Dimitri was even threatening me. If I could I would have laughed. My mind really was going crazy now, being broken by too much pain.

I can't remember when Steve had stopped the beating since my mind had blacked out long before that. But when I woke up the next time, I blacked out again as soon as I tried to move. I was welcoming the blackness as it took away the pain I was in constantly. If I would wake up next time, I wasn't sure.

_Well, that was it. Now we're finally done with the bad things in Rose's life - it will start to get better soon, especially with the appearece by a special someone ... You'll see ..._

_Thanky for reading. I hope I didn't scare you off all too much!_

_Lilian85_

_PS: Don't forget to come to my board! Oh, and a review would be appreciated!_


	11. Chapter 11

_So, the next chapter is up! _

_As I promised, here is a short summary for those who had skipped the last chapter:_

_Rose get's tortured by a Strigoin named Steve for several months. After a while Rose starts to hear Dimitri's voice, telling her to stick through and to hold on to be rescued. One day she must ahve said his name out loud, because Steve asked her about him. Rose still wants to protect him, so she claims not to know him. Steve threatens her to kill Dimitri when he should find anything about him. One day he does and the beating Rose gets is the most brutal one._

_That's it, now enjoy the next chapter!_

**CHAPTE****R 11 – The Rescue Mission**

The night was pitch black. A small motor boot raced across the ocean towards a small island that was barely visible. Four hooded figures where crowded, each one determined to finish up their task as quickly and quiet as possible.

Cutting off the motor when coming near to the island, the four figures took out wooden rudders, moving the boot forward silently. As soon as the bottom side hit the beach, the figures jumped out, pulling the boot out of the water and hid it behind some bushed, lined at the beach. Then all four spread into different directions silently, their only way of communication was a small headset. Within a few moments no trace of the intruders could be seen anymore.

One of those figures, a tall man, moved silently towards the big house, located in the middle of the island. His task was the most important one – to get in, get the victim and get out again. The others would have to make sure that his way was clear at all times.

Having reached their position, each one of them gave a short info to let the others know. As long as they wouldn't be at their respective locations, the tall man wouldn't be able to get inside. Crouching down below a tall bush, his eyes never leaving the small not guarded entrance at the back of the house, the man waited patiently for his comrades to take their positions.

As soon as the signal came that the last one had reached his position, the man jumped up and hurried towards the small wooden door. Summoning all his strength, he opened the door by taking it out off its hangings, making as little noise as possible. Walking through the now opened entrance, he turned around and leaned the door against the frame. If somebody would come by unexpectedly he would see that the door had been opened and it also would remain a possible escape route.

Slowly the black figure walked through the darkness of the room, making his way towards the staircase. Taking step by step, he pushed up his tall frame, trying to get a glimpse in the next room. They had no information where he would find the victim so he would have to make his way through each of the rooms in the building, always being secured by two other Guardians, one remaining outside to keep their escape route clear.

So he kept on searching each room, avoiding random Strigoi, leaving them to his companion who took them out silently with ease. With each room she wasn't in, his fear of being too late grew the same as the dread in which state he would find her in. If he would find her after all.

When he entered the last floor, it left him to only one room. Hoping he would find her there, he slowly walked to the wooden door, hearing no sound behind it to tell him if she was here or not. Bracing himself for the worst, he opened the door and walked briskly into the pitch black room. Only one small window, unable to reach in its height, spent some light, enlightening a small frame lying on a small bed in the back.

Seeing the torture equipment in this room made his blood boil. Glad that the Strigoi, who had done this to her, had already been killed by his colleague, he forced his gaze back onto the small frame on the bed.

He recognized her at once. He saw the long waves, which used to be full and shiny, was now tangled into knots and dirty. Her face was pale, covered with bruises and her lips dried and bloody. What the rest of her body looked like was something he could only guess but feared the same. Pulling off the thin sheet, he had to fight hard to keep back a growl as his anger was about to explode. Her body was covered with scars, bruises and open wounds.

As soon as he had pulled off the sheet, her body was exposed to the cold air in the room and started to shiver immediately. Starting to stir, the savior quickly threw his black jacket at her shivering form, keeping her warm and carefully cradled her in his strong arms. He needed to get her out as soon as possible, seeing in what bad shape she was. Retreating out of the room she had been held hostage in for the past three months, he silently made his way back to the boot where he would meet up with the rest of the team.

Taking one careful look at her beaten up face, Dimitri had to fight back a sob that threatened to escape forcefully.

Was this a new trick? Was it possible to copy a smell that meant heaven for me?

Slowly my mind started to kick in and pushed me to wake up. Something had changed and I was too afraid to find out what it was. I wasn't sure if I could endure another of Steve's sick games, putting me in so much pain and agony.

Again I had the feeling that something was different, when the warmth of another body enveloped me, luring me into a feeling of safety. Maybe I was in heaven already, having not noticed that I had died since the last brutal beating. Hoping that it was over now, I tried to open my eyes but didn't succeed. My lids were too heavy.

"Am I dead?" I asked curiously, barely recognizing my hoarse voice.

A deep voice chuckled, making a strong chest beside my face rumble and letting me groan in pain. "No, definitely not."

I knew that voice from somewhere, but couldn't place it. Letting my mind rest on that task, I felt myself drifting off again. Somehow the feeling of safety still accompanied me and so I gave into the temptation of sleep, letting my mind work on the question where I had heard this voice before.

"Oh my god, Belikov! What have they done to her?"

Another voice I recognized. It was my mother and suddenly, hearing the name, realization hit me who my savior exactly was. Dimitri. The person in the world I loved most and had feared to see again.

"Dimitri?" I whispered, not knowing where I was or who was around.

"Yes, Rose. It's me. You're save now." He answered, his voice thick with bottled up emotions.

When I heard him saying that one sentence I was longing to hear for so long, I felt a tear escaping my eyes and sliding down my cheek. My heart was beating rapidly, caused by the happiness I felt.

"Thanks." I whispered, not sure whether he understood or not.

Slowly Dimitri's arm encircled my shoulder, lifting me slowly off the floor I laid on, my head resting against his broad shoulder. "Here, drink."

A glass of water touched my lips, the cool liquid tasted like heaven. I'd never thought I would enjoy drinking plain water so much. And of course did I drink with too hasty gulps, so that at least half of the water didn't reach my dry tongue. "Slowly." Dimitri chuckled again. The water left a burning pain on my bloody lips.

When I had enough water, Dimitri slowly pulled me up, guiding me to a more comfortable seat.

"Why can't I see anything?" I asked, after trying to open my eyes unsuccessfully.

"Because we had to put a cooling cloth over them. They were swollen badly, but I think I can remove it now." Dimitri answered, leaning my sore body against his. "Keep your eyes closed for a while so they'll adjust to the light." I felt the cloth being removed, but still the sudden light hurt my closed eyes. Hissing I leaned my head against his chest, resting my eyes in the shadow between our bodies. Carefully, Dimitri wrapped his arms around my shaking form, creating a safe place for me until my eyes got used to the light.

After a while I tried again, doing better now. Still having Dimitri's arms wrapped around me, I started to slowly take in my surroundings, though with a blurr. I could see my mother, looking at me sadly. There was Kevin, hunched in a corner and giving me a reassuring smile as well as a tall woman I had never seen before. She looked like a nurse to me but I couldn't be sure.

"Do you want something to eat?" Dimitri asked me, looking down at me with a small smile. His brown eyes were filled with concern and sadness, but I could also see determination shining in them.

Returning his smile, I gave a short nod. Sitting me down slowly onto a chair, the unknown woman stepped forward, handing me a small cup of soup.

"Hi, my name is Janet. I'm here to take care that your body will get the needed nutrition to heal. I know that you must be hungry, but please take it easy. Your body hasn't gotten any food for some time now and it needs to get used to it again. Give it time and soon you'll be able to eat everything you want." She sounded professional, but I could see some emotion, I wasn't able to place. Surely everybody here had heard what had happened to me, concerning the sadness in their eyes, but she gave me the illusion of actually really knowing what I've been trough.

Thanking her, I quickly grabbed the spoon and started to eat the soup. It tasted awesome to me. Too fast I had finished up the soup, quickly realizing that it was not good at all. When I felt my stomach revolting, I excused myself and dashed towards the toilet. Taking in my surroundings for the first time I saw that I was on an airplane, the furniture looking much like they did on the private jet of my father.

But I didn't have any more time to think about where I was, as I threw up everything in the toilet until my stomach was empty again. Seeing my arms in the light of the small toilet, I felt hot tears behind my lids, making their way down my cheeks. As the train of tears got more and more I felt my body being shaken by sobs I had held back for so long. Crying in front of Steven had being a weakness I had always fought and never given into. Now, that I was safe again, I let the sobs shake my thin frame, wrapping my arms around my torso to keep me from falling apart.

"Rose?" Carefully Dimitri opened the door, crouching down in front of me when he saw the state I was in. Wrapping me up in his arms again, he silently lifted me off the floor and carried me into a smaller room where we could be alone. Sitting down in a seat carefully, he kept me wrapped up his arms, slowly rocking me fore and back again.

When the sobs had subsided after a while, I quietly asked. "Why did he do this?"

Dimitri sighed, resting his chin on top of my head. "I don't know, Roza. I don't know."

"I'm scared, comrade. I'm so scared." Again the tears started to escape my eyes.

His arms tightened around me without squeezing me too much to hurt me. Then he let go, turning my face softly up to meet his gaze with his finger. His eyes shone bright with determination and affection. "Rose, I can only imagine what he did to you. And I can see that he did things to you beyond my imagination. But let me help you recover. I'm not promising that it will be easy nor that I can help you every time. Some things you have to do on your own, but I'll be with you every step of the way to catch and support you. Let me help because you have no idea how much it pains me to see you like this." He closed his eyes briefly, not wanting me to see the pain. "Let's do this together, Roza!"

I felt a small smile tug at my lips and gave into the temptation.

"Thank you, Dimitri. Thanks so much. I'm glad that you want to help me getting through this. I'll make a promise, too. I promise to always tell you when there is something that makes me feel uncomfortable. But I'm also asking you one thing that is important to me: please never pity me or feel sorry. Treat me as you have always done. Give me the feeling of being a normal person because I can't stand it when somebody pities me. Please do this!"

"I promise, that I will do this." His voice was like velvet. Snuggling back into his comfortable embrace, I felt myself getting tired again. But there was something else on my mind I had to get off first.

"Dimitri?" I asked him.

"Yes?"

"Let's go somewhere else. I need to get away from them. From the sorrow in their eyes."

Dimitri did ponder this request, not answering for some minutes. When I felt him smiling, I knew he would be with me all the way.

"I think I have just the perfect place. Have you ever been to Russia?"

With a smile on my lips I drifted off into the depth of sleep.

_How did you like it? I actually didn't want to dwell on the death of Steve. Maybe we'll find more out later? ;)_

_Don't forget to give me a review!_

_Thanks._

_Lilian85_


	12. Chapter 12

_I've just checked back with this story and saw how long it had been since my last update. I'm sorry, really, but don't want to go into details for my delay just now. If you wish to know, you can check out my profile. ;) _

_Just some other news by the way: Right now my mind is filled with ideas for my very own novel I'm writing right now. I've named it "Dark Guardian" and it's about vampires. But it's no fanfiction. If you wish to read it, look at my profile, I've posted the link up there._

_Well, lets' not dwell too much on the not interesting life of mine, shall we? Here's the next chapter of my story. Please enjoy!_

**CHAPTER 12 – Unexpected Help**

Returning home was an experience I didn't like very much. After our talk, I had stayed with Dimitri for the rest of our flight only having been disturbed only once when my mother came to check on me. When I saw the worrying lines on her face, I nearly choked her in such an intense hug. I wanted to show her that she didn't need to worry about me, that I was strong enough to get through this. When I asked her how the big wedding was, she looked at me disbelievingly and told me that the wedding had been rescheduled to next summer. She would never marry when she didn't know where her only daughter was, she told me sincerely. I promised her to attend next time for sure.

When my mother left us to ourselves again, I quickly felt my mind drift off into a deep slumber. I didn't even fell the landing of the machine neither being moved to the house into my bed.

The rays of the sun were warming up my face, when I slowly started to drift back to the surface from a deep and wonderful slumber. Another warm body laid next to me, cradled against me. Opening my eyes slowly, I jumped up startled when seeing the figure lying next to me: it was Lissa.

Lissa started to stir from my sudden movement, but didn't wake up. Scooting away from her a little bit, I saw another tall figure standing in front of the window, turning around to me when he heard me move.

"Hello Rose. How are you feeling?" Dimitri asked quietly, taking slow steps towards me.

"I'm better now. The pain isn't as bad as it has been." I answered truthfully. I had promised him to always tell the truth and I would keep this promise no matter how hard it was for me to admit something. I knew that sooner or later I would have to tell him all the dirty details of what had happened, but I knew that he would still help me through it. "What is Lissa doing here?"

I got up on my knees when he had reached the bed, scooting over to him more closely. Staring into his eyes, I saw the affection he held towards me.

"She came to help with the healing." Dimitri answered, wrapping his arms around my torso.

We staid enveloped in each other's arms for a long time, until Lissa started to stir und finally woke up. Staring up at me and Dimitri, a smile crept onto her face.

"Rose!" she said. "It's so good to see you!"

I wasn't sure how to act around her, so I tightened my grip onto Dimitri's torso, smiling back at her. "Well, I guess, it's good to see you too!" I said weakly.

Lissa's face fell, when she heard the uncertainty in my voice. "I guess you're surprised to see me here. I'm sorry what happened back at the Academy. I was selfish about not asking what was the matter with you though I clearly saw you being hurt. I'm a bad friend, hm?" she said, not really expecting me to answer that.

When I didn't respond, she got off the bed and walked to the door. "I'll get something to eat. See you later." And with that she vanished from the room.

When I looked back up at Dimitri, he only shrugged his shoulders. "You both should have a talk as soon as possible. I know that she means a lot to you. Still. I think it would help you to talk to her." He answered my unspoken question quietly.

"Yeah, I guess it would help. I've missed her." It's been the first time for me to admit this and it felt as if a heavy load was taken from my shoulders when admitting this out loud. "But now? Now I need a shower."

Heaving me off the bed with no effort, he smiled down at me. "You want me to join?" he asked jokingly, his deep brown eyes sparkling with laughter.

Smirking up at him, I shocked him by saying "Yes, I was hoping you would offer that." Dimitri was staring at me unbelievingly.

Smiling broadly at him I went to the bathroom to get a warm shower to relax my tense muscles. When I heard Dimitri tapping along, I smiled to myself. For the first time I felt myself being sure about another person joining me in the shower. Both of us knew that it wasn't about sexuality, but about safety and me about keeping my sanity.

Undressing quickly, I groaned from time to time when the thick material of my clothing scraped over still open and sore wounds. When I had gotten rid of all the clothing, I quickly stepped into the shower while Dimitri sat down on the toilet to accompany me. He had known all along that I hadn't been serious with the invitation to shower with me. It had been a nice mental picture though.

When the warm water washed over my body I felt as all the bad memories would be washed away, creating a space to put up new memories of a happier time. For the first time in weeks I felt clean again, not caring that some of the already closed wounds opened and started to bleed again. But I quickly reached my personal boundary, namely when trying to apply shampoo in my tousled and knotted hair. My sore arms muscles made it impossible for me to reach above my shoulders.

Hearing my stifled cry of pain, Dimitri jumped from his seat and walked over to me quickly. Overlooking the situation and my problem without a second glance, he took the shampoo bottle out of my hands, putting some of the cream in his palm and slowly started to massage it into my hair. Feeling his hands starting a sift massage on my scalp I felt myself relaxing even further.

After a while he pushed me under the jet of water to rinse the shampoo out of my hair, getting himself wet in the process. Obviously not caring at all, he retrieved some conditioner and started the massage again. When he had finished, Dimitri took a towel off the pile near the cubicle, wrapping my hair and body up tightly.

When I stepped in front of the mirror I sighed. My hair looked a total mess. It would be impossible to get a comb through it, let alone a hair brush. There was only one option.

"I guess I need to cut my hair off. I'll never be able to brush out this mess." I hated getting my hair cut, especially so short.

"Don't think about it, Rose. I'll brush it out for you if you like." Dimitri offered. "I like your hair way too much to see it being cut short."

Looking at him through the mirror, I gave him a sad smile. "It's not only that I like it, but he would always tell me that he loved my hair. Some days he let his fingers wander through it, almost in a caring way. On other days he pulled at it, until he had ripped out some strands." I sighed at my reflection. "I don't know if I want to keep it that way."

Stepping behind me, Dimitri put his hands on my bare shoulders, gazing at my through the mirror. "It's your decision, Rose. Just know that I will do my best to brush out the knots for you."

"Thanks, Dimitri. I'll think about it."

When I was dry again, we both walked back into my room looking for something comfortable for me to wear. Before I could pull on some clothes though, Dimitri looked over the wounds on my back, tending to those who had started to bleed during the shower. After they had been taped up, he helped me pulling on some pants and a long sleeve shirt, which wasn't too tight.

I felt tired as soon as I was clothed fully. I knew that my body was too weak to do much and it certainly would take time to get my old strength back.

"Are you tired?" Dimitri asked, his eyes never leaving my face to not miss the first signs of discomfort.

"Yes. It's still too exhausting to walk around for me." I said, forcing my already shaking legs to carry me towards the bed. When I sat down, I sighed in relief.

"Let me get you something to eat. You can rest meanwhile. After that I will get your parents to talk our plans through. They have to know, Rose." Dimitri said, already on his way out.

"Okay, but don't take too long. You promised me to always stay with me, remember?" I tried being funny to not let him see the fear I felt at the thought of him leaving me alone in my room. But to no avail.

Dimitri still returned to my spot on the bed, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, whispering softly. "I will be coming back, you know that."

Then he was out the door, leaving me to my thoughts.

_That's it for today's update. (I know, it's always too short! ;) )_

_Please don't forget to leave me a small review!_

_Thanks so much with sticking through this story!_

_Lilian85_


	13. Chapter 13

_Fellow readers, it is my honour to thank everyone for their review, adding me to their favorits or putting my story on alert. Thank you so much for that, it certainly is the best motivation for a writer. _

_But to not bore you, I only have to say one more thing: ENJOY!_

**C****HAPTER 13 – Wrong Sentence**

As Dimitri had promised me, only a few days after my rescue we were on our way to Baia, his hometown in Russia. It would be the first time for me to get to know his family. I felt excited about it, knowing that Tasha had never been invited by him to go there with Dimitri together. Lissa had told me that quietly, after I had told her the news.

My parents hadn't been too excited about me leaving them again, but with Dimitri on my side, they knew that I would be safe. They'd even contacted another former Guardian that lived with his Moroi wife in Baia they had known. Mark and Oksana would check on us regularly. Oksana was a spirit user as well, as Dimitri had told me, so she would be able to help me if it gets worse.

Neither Dimitri nor I did mind, as Dimitri had told me already that he had known the couple since he was a small child. Still it would have to be kept a secret where Dimitri and I would be going to ensure my safety.

Lissa had insisted on healing my wounds for the past few days. Luckily she had managed to heal almost all of them, but some scars would remain. I had avoided her outside our healing sessions as best as I could. I didn't feel good enough to talk to her about what had happened back more than half a year ago. She had promised me though to wait for me and to keep in touch regularly.

The healing sessions helped regaining my body strength but I still felt my mind wander back too often for my liking. It's not as if I could erase my memories completely, but it would have been nice to at least erase some of them. But knowing that this was impossible, I would have to get used to living with them. Which certainly was the hardest part of the recovery process.

To my own astonishment, Dimitri had been the only male person I could endure in close proximity for a longer time. Every time my father or Kevin would get near me, my body started to shake uncontrollably, making me wish I could run away. Being with them in a room alone was absolutely impossible. When it had happened the first time, Dimitri had needed several hours to calm me back down again. My body was shaking so bad, that he had to lock his arms around my frame to keep me from running off. It had been difficult for everyone, since it had been my own father whom I rejected unintentionally, but I couldn't help it.

The worst time was staying alone at night. My nightmares were so bad, that I nearly didn't get any sleep at all because of the pictures and the screaming. The darkness freaked me out every time, the silence not really helping me to lull my mind to sleep. Dimitri then tried it with leaving the door open, but to no avail. Again I started to freak out until he came and lay down beside me. So we both could get at least a few hours of sleep. Dimitri stayed with me since that night.

Since it was November already, Dimitri had gotten me some warmer clothing, knowing that winter was holding its tight grip on Baia already. Saving some of the heat on the plain, I was curious as to how Siberia really looked like. Remembering the few times Dimitri had told me about it, it must be a really beautiful place.

"Rose, we're preparing for landing. We're almost there!" Dimitri said pure excitement in his deep voice.

"Calm down, Dimitri. It's still a little bit, isn't it?" I asked, remembering him telling me that we needed to get a car and drive to Baia the rest of the way.

Dimitri smiled at me, acknowledging that I had actually been listening to him. "Yes, but it'll only take two or three hours. It's not that much!"

When the airplane had landed, we left it together with the other passengers, walking to the conveyer belts to get our luggage. This was only a small airport, so we didn't have to face any new security checks. I was glad since I felt many people staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I knew that I was still pale and some of the wounds on my hands and arms hadn't healed fully yet, but it still made me feel uncomfortable, when people looked at me. Feeling my uneasiness, Dimitri dropped his arms around my shoulders and gently pushed me towards the rental cars.

Quickly we had gotten our car and where on the road to Baia. I could feel Dimitri's excitement rising each mile we got nearer and I had to fight back a smile at his happiness. Due to the daily Guardian business, many didn't see their families often. In Dimitri's case it was even more complicated with his family living on a different continent. Only yesterday he had told me that he had seen his family last winter for the last time.

"How are you feeling?" Dimitri suddenly asked after we had been on the road for some time now. "Do you have any pain?"

"I'm good. The pain is bearable." I shrugged. I know that everybody thought I was crazy when saying that pain was bearable, but after having to endure so much pain for such a long time, I had found a way to cope with it. I know it sounds crazy, but it was just like that.

Dimitri's reaction showed that I had been right. He stomped on the break, pulling at the wheel to get the car at the side of the road. Regarding that it was freezing out there and the street glazed over, he did a good job without getting us killed. Turning his face towards me, he said "Pain is never bearable, Rose. Don't tell me lies! I hate it when somebody tries to tell me a lie!"

Steve stood back up, turning around to look at the door. "I just hope you're not lying. I hate lying and I will not be afraid to punish you for every lie you tell me."

It was there, the memory. I couldn't fight it back when the scenery in front of my eyes suddenly changed back into the darkness and coldness of the room, seeing Steve looming over me, threatening me. The fear I had felt back then returned with full force, making my body shake and forcing me to crouch down, making myself smaller. Putting my hands over my eyes, I tried to push back the images into the depth of my mind, but it had been too real. I heard his voice. I felt the promise behind his words, remembering the pain he had inflicted on my already tortured body after he had found out about my lie.

"Roza!" suddenly Dimitri's voice pushed itself into my thoughts, helping me to get rid of the memory. "Roza! It's okay. You're safe!" When his strong arms wrapped around me tenderly, I slowed down my erratic breathing with force, allowing myself to return to reality again.

Still shaking visibly, I turned my gaze up to his face, looking down at me. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be." Dimitri smiled sadly, "It was my fault. I said something that reminded you, didn't I?"

I nodded my head shortly, not really wanting to give him an explanation about the reason. But I had promised to always be honest with him, so I waited for him to ask, bracing myself inwardly.

"What was it? What trigged off the memory?" he finally asked. Burying my head against his chest, I sighed before pulling myself together and started to tell him. This actually would be the first time to reveal something of the past. I didn't know how he would take this one especially, but I would only find out when telling him.

"He had tried to break me, not only my body but also my mind. Breaking my body wasn't that difficult … " I nearly chocked admitting this. Dimitri would know what this meant, I was certain. "But he couldn't break my mind so easily. So he started to … to do it more often." I paused, taking in a shaky breath. I still couldn't look up at him.

"What do you mean with 'it', Rose?" Dimitri asked silently.

"The punishment." I admitted, feeling his arms around me tighten. "Well, it got worse and he nearly had me at my breaking point, but then something happened …"

Silence stood between us, before Dimitri carefully pushed on. "What happened, Roza?"

"I started to hear your voice every time I got close to give up." I admitted, waiting anxiously for his reaction.

Since he had left me for Tasha before our relationship would grow deeper, I was certain that he had feelings for her. Probably more than for me, though he promised to stick with me through this. Fearing for my heart to be broken again when he would return back to her, I told myself that this was only because of his mentor feelings for me. Nothing more. I didn't want the hope to grow.

Now, with my confession out between us, he could guess on the deep feelings I still had for him, buried deep down in my heart. And I was afraid of him pushing me away again as he did almost one year ago. So I waited patiently for his reaction.

"Oh Roza." He sighed after a while, pulling me closer to him to rest his chin on top of my head.

When he didn't say anything else for a while, I quickly finished my story.

"I must have said your name one time. He came into my room, asking me who you where and I had to lie to him. I didn't want anything to happen to you. He threatened me that if he would ever find out who you are, he promised to kill you after he would have punished me severely." I wanted this to be over, so we could get back on the road and my mind to get off these things. "Well, let's just say that he'd found out who you are."

Dimitri still held me wrapped up tightly in his embrace, never loosening it up. I know that this was something he couldn't have known nor imagined and so I could only guess about his thoughts.

When he hadn't moved after a while, I cautiously tried to wriggle my way out of his arms, looking at his face for the first time after my confession. His face showed the shock he was feeling. "Are you okay?" I asked him, my hand slowly caressing his cheek.

"Yeah, I just had never thought that … " He didn't find anything else to finish the sentence, so he could only pull his hand through his hair, easing some of the stress.

"I'm sorry. Let's go to Baia, okay?" I asked, smiling up at him. I wanted him to get these thoughts off his mind, not wanting to worry him.

Giving me a half smile, he started the engine and steered the car back on the road.

"We're almost there." Was the only thing he said for the rest of the ride. Only half an hour later we pulled up in front of small two story house.

"Welcome home!" Dimitri smiled at me, gesturing for me to follow him to the house.

_I hope you liked this one. As I've not really described what happened to Rose during those aweful three months, I have decided to get into a little more detail by using these flashbacks. I hope that's okay for you. If not, tell me! And for everyone who wondered how Steven died - you will get the answer, I promise. But only a little bit later._

_So, but now give me a small review! Thanks a lot!_

_Lilian85_


	14. Chapter 14

_____Okay lads, though I've just updated recently, I wanted to give you a small treat for the weekend. And I also want to go on with the story. But I'd also say some things first. _reading___ it! But you know the treat: the more reviews I get the faster I'll update! ;)_

_I am aware that there some loose ends and I promise to tie them all up together rather sooner than later. On of these loose ends I want to play a small game of guessing with you: Guess who killed Steve! I already know who did (that's the positive effect of being the writer) but I want to test how closly you are reading this. I know I'm mean. ;) So tell my in your review!_

_Then I would like to say a HUGE thank you to all of those who have reviewed! You really just make my day, honestly. Special thanks to _vox ad umbram sum _for the suggestion on how to improve the story. Thank you so much, I'll remember your tipps grately! And also a huge thank you to _deliciouse _for those awesome reviews!_

_And as you have probably already guessed it, I would like to deticate this chapter to those two of the many reviewers! So this is for you, _deliciouse _and _vox ad umbram sum_!_

__

_And for all the others only one more thing: ENJOY!_

One more thing for all those Dimka-Roza-Shippers out there: only 4 more chapters to go an THEN something HUGE will happen (we'll solve the Rose-Dimitri-tasha triangle)! I'know I've enjoyed writing_it and I'm absolutely positive that you will enjoy _

**CHAPTER 1****4 – Welcome to Baia!**

Before we had reached the door, it opened up suddenly and a woman stepped out, throwing her arms around Dimitri. "Dimka!"

Standing behind Dimitri, I could watch those two closely. The woman obviously was his mother; they looked a lot like each other. She must have been a beauty once, but age certainly didn't make her ugly. Her brown hair was long, framing her slender and tall body. When they had finished hugging and exchanging welcoming words in Russian, the woman turned towards me, smiling widely.

"You must be Rose! It's nice to meet you finally!" Olena said, pulling me into a hug. I tried hard not to stiffen, but couldn't help but to do so a little. But Olena didn't feel this, since she let go of me, put her arm on my shoulders and ushered us inside.

Obviously Dimitri hadn't told his family anything about the recent happenings. Glazing at him inquiringly, he confirmed my guess with a short nod. Giving him a thankful smile, I followed Olena inside the house.

Inside everything was very neat and tidy. Though the furniture seemed to be old, it was an atmosphere of familiarity. Shortly said, it felt homey to me. Letting my eyes wander through the living room, I felt Dimitri's warm hand on the small of my back.

"I'll show you everything later. But I would like to get settled first." He said, pushing me towards the staircase. Nodding at him, I followed his lead upstairs.

Opening a door on the right side, Dimitri showed me his room. It was also very tidy, with only a small bed, a desk in front of the window and a bookshelf, crowed with books, especially western novels. After he had put his bag onto the bed, we left the room and went into the one next to his.

"This is Viktoria's room, but since she is still at school, you can have her room for the time being. When she returns for Christmas time, we'll see what we do." Dimitri said, putting my bag on the bed. The room visibly was used by a girl. The walls where covered with posters of singers and actors, stuffed animals where lined along the wall on the bed and the table was covered with romance novels.

"If you want to take a shower, the bathroom is just down the hall. Let's meet back up in half an hour for a house tour, okay?"

"Yes, thank you." I said, smiling at him when he left the room.

Sitting down on the bed I took in my surroundings. The room was really nice. Dimitri's mother, Olena, had been really nice and her welcome was coming from her heart. She surely was a great mother and I was looking forward to spend some more time with her.

But the best thing was, that living here in Baia for some time, would also mean to spend even more time with a relaxed and happy Dimitri. During the time when he had been my mentor, Dimitri hadn't let his guard down very often. He had been a stern and strict teacher, trying to teach me everything he knew. This had been the Dimitri I had fallen in love with, but seeing a happy Dimitri was even more worth everything.

Deciding to take a quick shower, I searched for fresh clothes in my suitcase and went to the bathroom. It was more spacious than the other rooms with a shower stall and even a quite big bath tube.

As soon as I had finished with my shower, I heard Dimitri coming upstairs again to get me. Pulling my thick and still chaotic looking hair into a tidy bun, I exited the bathroom quickly. I still hadn't decided what to do with the hair problem, but I tended to the hair saving possibility. Especially since it was Dimitri who had offered to take on the job of untangling my hair.

"Are you ready?" he asked smiling, when he saw me walking towards him.

"Yes, sure." I said, linking my hand with his. His closeness was my comfort and though I wasn't sure if Dimitri did mind, he had never said anything. So I took what I could get, fearing the day when this would be over soon.

We made our tour through the rest of the house with Dimitri showing me the different rooms and sometimes he told me stories of his past. Hearing him talking about his school time here in Russia, I heard his happiness. It seemed to me that Dimitri had actually been a very funny person, never hesitating once to get himself in trouble. I had to fight back a smile, picturing a younger Dimitri being in trouble. There were so many things we've had in common, it pained me that Dimitri obviously had thought differently when accepting Tasha's offer. Pushing those depressing thoughts aside, I concentrated back on the stories Dimitri told me with his deep soothing voice.

When we finished our little excursion, Dimitri led me to the kitchen where we heard Olena rummaging through the cupboards and moving pans already. A growl in my stomach signaled me that it was time for dinner. Grinning up at Dimitri who had heard my grumbling as well, we decided to lend a hand to Olena, preparing some dinner. When we entered, she turned around smiling.

"Is everything okay, Rose? Do you need anything?"

I smiled at her motherly behavior. Although I had been here for only a mere hour now, I already felt at home. "No, everything is all right. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome, Rose." She said, turning back towards some food she had already started on preparing. Offering our help, Olena smiled at us, giving each of us a task. While I would help her preparing a Soljanka, a traditional Russian soup, Dimitri was ordered to set up the table. Tonight it would only be Olena, Yeva and us, she told, with Sonya and Karolina being out of town for the next few days.

As soon as everything was in the pot, we had some more time to kill since the soup needed some time for boiling. When Dimitri excused himself to his room for a short while, Olena pulled me towards the living room and onto a comfortable sofa. Now the interrogation started, I thought smiling slightly. Since there was not really much to say, I didn't fear it.

"It's really good to finally get to know you, Rose. Dimka has always told so much about you, that I've always had the feeling of you belonging to the family for a long time now." Olena said, smiling at me warmly. Hearing this, it made me a little bit sad that so many things had changed now and that I would most likely never become a part of this wonderful family. Not with this package I was carrying around with me nowadays.

"I'm also very glad I got this chance to finally meet you. Dimitri would always be very professional, never letting his mask slip. But when he was telling something about you, he would always smile. It was the only times I actually would really see him smile." I admitted.

Olena nodded shortly. "Yes, that's Dimitri. Always so sincere. He didn't used to be like this when he was younger. He was a real trouble maker, making excuses faster than I was able to shout out his name." An affectionate smile crossed her face. This revelation made me smile wider, having no trouble at all picturing him as a trouble maker. Especially after Dimitri telling me some funnier parts of his past earlier.

"He told me some of the things he did earlier." I smiled. "He was a good kid, or?"

Olena looked at me, her smile deepening. "Oh yes, that he was. He always looked after his sisters, though he wasn't the oldest. Especially Viktoria. I think she is his favorite sister." Laughing to herself, Olena looked at me. "There is this one story I always remember when seeing him. Dimka was about 5 and I was pregnant with Viktoria. He was so excited to get a new sister as the other didn't really want to play with him. He was convinced that his new sibling would be playing with him. And for his birthday I got him a set of hand paint because he loved to play with everything that was colorful." Olena stopped here, chuckling to herself at the memory. "Well, one day I was out and Sonya was supposed to look after him but she had to study for a test so he was roaming the house freely. When I came back and walked into the nursery, the walls where colored with blue, pink, yellow, green and red hand prints. And Dimka looked like he had fallen into a paint bucket."

Picturing this, I felt my mouth twitch into a wide smile. I had seen some pictures of Dimitri's youth and he had been a really cute child with huge brown eyes and dimples. I had sensed him feeling uncomfortable when I saw these pictures but they had made me smile inwardly.

"When I wanted to scold him, he looked up at me with those huge eyes of him and said in all honesty: 'Now my sister has a nice room.' I honestly couldn't be mad at him for that." Olena was laughing out loud now, remembering this happening so many years ago.

My smile even grew wider, when I saw Dimitri entering the living room, a frown on his face. "Mom, stop telling her these stories. It's embarrassing."

Now I couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed. I had never seen him like this, feeling embarrassment with his mother telling stories of his youth. I honestly thought them to be adorable and I really enjoyed hearing about a side of Dimitri I had never really witnessed.

"Oh, is the big bad Russian embarrassed? What a pity!" I mocked him, feeling happy for the first time since the incident. I had decided to call it that since everything else was just too painful.

Dimitri hadn't expected me to react this way, as he looked at me with a mixture of uneasiness and happiness. "Don't mock me, Rose. It's not nice."

Grinning up at him, I shrugged my shoulders shortly. "Nobody ever said I was a fair person!" I recognized that Dimitri astonished at the return of my usual behavior. But when his eyes looked down at my, brightening up with happiness, I felt my heart doing flip flops. I still was in love with this man like crazy, and if me being witty would give him happiness, then I would do it more often.

Suddenly a elderly woman entered the living room, her presence giving me a chill. I eyes had locked with mine the moment I saw her and the depth of the dark opals, gave me a creepy feeling. It felt as if this woman was able to look into my soul deeply and I had to fight to not avert my eyes.

Rose? This is my grandmother Yeva. Yeva, this is Rose I've told you about." Dimitri's deep voice cut into our connection, forcing me to avert my eyes to him.

Smiling slightly, I got up from the couch and averted my hand towards Yeva. "It's nice to meet you."

After a moment of hesitation, she outstretched her hand. Looking me up and down, she said "Give this girl something to eat. She needs it." Then she turned around, walked to the table and sat down.

____

_Okay, so tell me if you like it. I'm honestly not really feeling very comfortable with the character of Yeva, so she will not have many appearences in this story. Sorry._

_But still, give me a review! Thank you so much!_

____Lilian85


	15. Chapter 15

_So, here will be the next chapter! Thanks to everyone who is still keeping up reading this but if it helps - THE chapter will be up soon (I've already written it) but there will be another two to fill. So please stay patient here!_

_**WARNING:** This chapter actually does name rape, so please, if you're not up to it, skip the italic written section. It's a nightmare, Rose is having. Please mind this warning!_

**_CHAPTER 1_****5 – Nightmares**

The evening had been very relaxing for me. Being around Dimitri's family with him together gave me the feeling of belonging to them. Though after Yeva's remark Olena kept looking between Dimitri and I suspiciously, the dinner had been relaxing. After Yeva had left to retire for the night, the rest of us cleaned up the table and went back to the living room for more chatting. Since Dimitri hadn't seen his family in such a long time, there was a lot they had to talk about. Most of the times I zoomed out as I was really tired from the flight and drive, with my body still being weak.

I only tried to focus as soon as the talks returned to Dimitri's youth, something I was really interested in. Since this man still held my heart, I wanted to know everything that was possible about him, since Dimitri didn't really much from himself.

So we stayed there, talking long into the night until I saw Dimitri stiffening a yawn, looking as tired as I felt. I probably didn't look any better than him anyway. Saying our good nights, we quickly went upstairs to our bedrooms.

When it was time for us to separate, Dimitri caught my arm, looking deeply into my eyes. "Are you okay with staying alone?" He asked worried. Ever since I had been rescued, I had never stayed separated from him for a long time, not even at night. Dimitri had even accompanied me at the darkest hours of my life now.

I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but failed miserably. I just couldn't really be alone; not in a house I wasn't used to and certainly not without Dimitri. But remembering something he had told me, made me realize that now was the time to try and start walking on my own feet. Knowing I would still fail from time to time, this family had given me something very preciously. They had given me the strength to do take the first step on my own, knowing that Dimitri was still there to support me.

"I'll try it, okay? I don't know if it works but someday I should be able to sleep alone again." I said bravely, though not really feeling like it at all. I wanted to show Dimitri that I was ready to walk, yet asking for his support at the same time.

Reassuringly, Dimitri smiled down at me. "Okay. I will be there if something is not right. And f it doesn't work, just come over, okay?" His arm had made its way around my shoulder, pulling me closer towards him. Returning his hug, I relished in his smell to give me strength for the night. Feeling his lips on my forehead for a short good-night kiss, I tightened my grip on him shortly, before stepping out of his embrace.

"Good night, Dimitri. Sleep well." I said smiling.

Returning my smile happily, Dimitri answered: "Good night, Rose. Sleep well."

Before I closed the door to my room to get changed, I heard him whispering something that sounded strangely like "I'm proud of you." but he had said it in such a quiet way that I really couldn't be sure. Smiling to myself slightly, I quickly changed into a comfy red pajama and a black t-shirt I had stolen from Dimitri earlier. I hoped the smell of his aftershave would help my mind to be lured into thinking that Dimitri was with me.

Crawling under the covers of the bed, I sighed happily when I felt my body relaxing. It had been a long day and I was absolutely exhausted and tired. Closing my eyes, I pictured his well muscled body beside me, his arms wrapped around me, creating a cocoon of safety for me.

I didn't know when I fell asleep exactly, but it must have been quickly due to my exhaustion. But as soon as the picture in front of my eyes enrolled, I knew I was in trouble. My dreams were forcing me to return to the darkness and cold of the room I had been tortured in. Fighting this dream to return back to reality didn't help me and so I had to watch helplessly as the scenery in front of me became alive.

_I felt the headache drumming against my scull, the awful taste of the chloroform still in my nose making the bile rose in my throat. I had lost my orientation, the room being in the. Trying to move around a little bit, I felt my arms and legs being fixed to the frame of the small bed I laid on. The mattress smelled awfully and I really didn't want to know how old it was._

_Faint food steps getting louder by the second told me that I was no longer alone. Wherever I was. Slowly I felt the headache retreating, making it possible for me to think more clearly. Still staying still, I tried to gather more information about my surroundings. After Spokane this was the second time I was kidnapped, but this here seemed far more planned than the kidnapping almost half a year ago._

_"I know you're awake, Rose." Suddenly a cold voice hissed close to me, startling me. "You can stop pretending now." The cover over my eyes was removed suddenly, making me groan in pain when bright light met my eyes. _

_I had to try several times to open them but finally succeeded though I wished I haven't immediately. Looming above me was a Strigoi – his red brimmed eyes staring down, the white fangs glooming dangerously. His smile was everything but promising pain. _

_For the first time I really felt scared. Realizing that this Strigoi was a totally different kind of the one's I've already met. His presence screamed torture and enjoying causing pain. I tried to scurry away from him, but the chains on my arms and leg didn't bent. Now I knew what had caused the unpleasant pain I felt before._

_"What do you want?" I tried to buy myself some time. I had to think of a plan to get out of here. My parents probably didn't have any I idea where I was. Regarding that I didn't know either it would be difficult to get away. Letting my gaze wander through the room they kept me in, I tried to gather some more information. Soon I had to find out that it was to no avail – it was only a small room with an even smaller window up high. Absolutely not reachable for me._

_"Oh, just some information. That was the original plan at least. Now … now I'm afraid the priorities have changed. I had no idea how beautiful you are." The Strigoi said, smiling cruelly, leaning down and whispered in my ear. "You are now my new priority."_

_I felt my heart moving rapidly in my chest, pumping adrenaline through my veins. As I had guessed, I wouldn't come out of here unharmed. Smelling my fear, the Strigoi's smile even grew wider, giving him a look of utter confidence. He knew I was trapped and there was no way out for me._

_Leaning down more, his eyes started to roam my face, wandering down to my rapidly beating pulse. He probably could hear the blood running through my veins, keeping me alive. When his eyes were fixed on my pulse, his lips turned into a sneer._

_"I think that you're wearing too much clothing for my liking." Before I could protest in any way, the Strigoi had grabbed at my shirt and tore it open, so that my chest and stomach were exposed to his roaming glance. "You are truly beautiful!" he whispered in a voice that could have been seductive if it hadn't come out of the mouth of such an evil creature._

_When his cold hands started to move from my lips, down my throat and even further, a scary thought sprang to my mind. What if he wouldn't only want to drink my blood but something else? Something I would never give up freely towards him? _

_The Strigoi leaned further down and smelled at the skin over my aorta, his hands gripping my hips painfully. "You smell just like a bouquet of Roses. I'm afraid I can't withstand this temptation." _

_This was the only warning I got before he bit down hard, his sharp teeth piercing through my skin. His bite hurt, but as soon as the endorphins in his saliva invaded my blood stream, the pain lessened and I felt my mind getting in some sort of hyper drive. I had known that being bit by a Moroi made you feel like smoking the best grass, but I hadn't been prepared for the same effect when being bitten by a Strigoi. I felt my body relaxing though my mind screaming at me in alert._

_Astonishingly it hadn't been his idea to turn me, because after taking a few deep gulps he stopped, kissing the skin on my throat tenderly. "You even taste wonderful."_

_I could feel my body weakened though he didn't drink so much blood. "What are you doing to me?" I asked him, hoping to distract him from his original plan._

_"Oh, we're going to have some fun." He said, smiling cruelly, before tearing my pants open. "We won't need those, Darling."_

_I tried to squirm away from his touch, but the binding of my arms and legs was too tight to allow me even only a little escape. His cold touch went down and up my tights, his gaze being fixed on my private area. I wasn't sure whether it was because of his stare or the coldness of the room, but I had goosebumps everywhere. Feeling his finger at the waistband of my pants, I went from scared to downright frighten. Now it was obviously what he wanted._

_"Please don't do this!" I begged, having never thought to ever do this. "Please!" But I don't care now as it was not my pride being at stake, but my survival._

_His eyes looked with mine, watching me squirm coldly. "I want this and I know you do, too. You're already wet for me, Rose!"_

_"No!" I screamed when he tore my pants away. Tears started to slide down my cheeks. I was so scared now that I didn't care to show this weakness. But I regretted this as soon as the Strigoi saw my wet cheeks. _

_Leaning up towards my face, he whisked away the tears, still smiling. "I'll make you scream, both in pleasure and in pain. But I will never see you cry again or I will punish you so severely that you'll only feel pain. Trust me." With that said, he turned back to gaze at my private area, ignoring my erratic breathing. "Now you'll scream for me. I want you to scream my name: Steve and only that."_

_Without any further warnings he pushed his fingers into my tight entrance. I had never felt such an intense pain before. I felt as if I was being ripped open, his fingers tearing through my soft flesh. As he had promised me, I screamed._

"Roza! Wake up!" It was a command I happily tried to oblige.

I was awoken by gentle fingers, tracing the lines of my face and gentle whispering. "Roza, come back to me." It sounded like the voice of an angel, like the voice of my personal Guardian angel.

Pushing the last pictures of the dream with all strength I could muster into the back of my mind, I focused only on the feeling of being wrapped up in Dimitri's arms safely.

_I really hope it wasn't too much detail? Please tell me if you've felt uncomfortable reading it!_

_For teh poll: NO it was NOT Dimitri who killed Steve! Everybody who had guessed wrong (nobody had guessed the right answer though) READ AGAIN! ;)_

_So, keep on guessing! And don't forget to give me a review!_

_Lilian85_


	16. Chapter 16

_Okay everyone, here is the next chapter! *cough* Well, I know its not much *sneeze* but I need to *sneeze* write the next chapter first! *cough* Oh, and if I did forget to mention *sneeze*, I have this terrible cold right now and honestly don't get much done! *cough* *cough* *blows-nose* Yeah, well, life is hard and full of bitterness!_

_But *sneeze* please enjoy the next chapter. *cough* Only two more until THE chapter comes! *sneeze* *sneeze*_

**CHAPTER 16**

The next several days went by uneventfully. Dimitri and I had established some sort of routine to enjoy each day. Firstly we would sleep in late as my nightmares would keep us both up most of the night; mostly with me screaming and Dimitri comforting me. Amazingly, Olena never seemed to hear anything though I was pretty sure that I had screamed loudly several times. I had the feeling that Dimitri might have let something slip to her as not to questioning me.

I knew that sometime I had to talk about what happened to Dimitri but I still couldn't bring myself actually doing it. It didn't have anything to do with me being scared, but more with me not being ready to relive each of the sickening and painful moments of those weeks. Dimitri had assured me several times that he would be there for me to listen whenever I felt ready to tell him.

But it wasn't only that. I don't know when exactly I had figured it out, but it also had something to do with me feeling still dirty, used and humiliated. It wasn't that Steve had only beaten me, but he had also forced me into sexual interactions which hadn't always been painful. It would have been easier to live with the knowledge that he had raped me but on some point or another I still felt the betrayal of my body. Steve had known how to pleasure it to get the wanted reactions and this was something I felt totally ashamed of.

Pushing these pictures at the back of my mind, I tried to focus back on the task at hand. It wasn't an easy one but one that had gotten Dimitri in a round of laughter when I told him of my idea. I really had to fight back my own laughter as I threatened to spill, but keeping on my straight face, I stared at him with only a little thread visible in my eyes. If he wouldn't have stopped laughing almost instantly, I surely would have done something. Remembering that happy moment, I smiled a little into the pages that were in front of me right now.

Feeling him pulling a little bit on the strands, hanging loosely down my back, I turned my focus back on the letters, returning to read out loud.

Just yesterday I had informed Dimitri about my decision that I didn't want to cut off my hair anymore. It had been one of my best features back in my better days (that's what I always said when talking about the time before this incident which always brought a small smile to Dimitri's face) and I didn't feel like departing from something that I had been used to for my entire life. It also gave me the feeling of some normalcy in these new and confusing times.

So this is where we were set right now. Dimitri was sitting on the couch in the living room and I was seated on the floor between his legs. And I certainly was doing something I would have never thought I would be able to without being in immense pain: reading a western novel to Dimitri who was fighting the knots in my hair. He was very gentle, trying not to hurt my scalp while.

After ages – or so it seemed – and me being close to the end of the book (I still don't understand what could possibly be fascinating about these), Dimitri gave me the signal that he was finished. Braiding my hair into a thick braid, he let his hands wander off onto my shoulders. Feeling my stiffening at his sudden touch, I quickly relaxed after he started a soft massage. Letting his fingers work wonders on my always present hardened neck muscles, I let my eyes close and enjoyed his touch. It wasn't often that Dimitri would touch me on his own account, most of the times he only did it when I needed it. So this one of the very rare occasions and I intended on memorizing every second.

We must have both been deeply in our thoughts, as when Olean came into the living room, we both jumped a little at the sudden sound.

"Oksana just called and asked if they can come over. I hope you don't mind?" She had directed that question to both of us, but her eyes lingered on my face.

"No, I don't." I said, surprised by my own honest answer. My parents had asked them to look over me and I knew that if my parents trusted them, I could do too. Dimitri had also told me a little about those two and I was excited at the prospect of meeting them.

Dimitri must have also given his consent while I lingered in La-La-land, because Olena left the room smiling and with the words "Good. They'll be over here in about an hour."

After she had left, the silence reappeared between us. It was not an awkward silence but more a comfortable one. Dimitri and I didn't need words to communicate. We always did this by gestures and smiles. And sometimes both of us needed the time to hang onto our own thoughts, as dark and hurtful they may be.

Still I hadn't gotten any idea why Dimitri was doing this after he had left me for Tasha. I just really hoped that it wasn't just out of pity or feeling miserable. Dimitri was a person to do that: feeling guilty for anything that happens but yet never could have been his fault anyway. And it was hard to convince him otherwise.

"I don't know why I'm doing this." I sighted.

His hands stopped massaging my neck. "Stopping what?" I could hear the frown that showed on his face.

Smiling, I bent my head so that my gaze met his. "Reading a Western novel! Honestly! I'm Rose Hathaway for crying out loud!"

Dimitri let out a hearty laugh and I quickly joined. It felt good to know that I could still get him to laugh about my jokes. "Yeah, poor girl! But since I was braiding your hair, I think that's only a far trade!" Still grinning like a manic, he softly pulled on my thick braid, reminding me what we have been doing for the past hours.

"Thank you so much, Dimitri. It means a lot to me!" I said, my face switching from laughing to staring into his eyes earnestly. He could do that to me.

Leaning down, Dimitri placed a soft kiss on my forehead, making me enjoy the sensations his soft lips caused. "You're welcome, Roza." He whispered.

After a while the bell on the door declared that our visitors had arrived. Dimitri and I stayed in the living room, knowing that Olena would lead them in here soon. Confirming my thoughts without even knowing, Olena entered the living room, followed closely by two visitors.

The woman, Oksana, obviously was a Moroi with her strawberry-blond hair and her tall and slender figure. Her face was pale and the fangs showed when she smiled at me. Behind her was Mark, a Dhampir as I figured from his strong stature and the lightly tanned skin. He also gave me a small smile and a short nod to Dimitri.

"Rose, " Olena stepped towards me to introduce me. "This are Oksana and Mark, both living at the other end of Baia."

When I stepped towards them, Oksana extended her hand, shaking mine. As soon as our skins connected I had the weird sensation of hearing some soothing words in my mind. I felt Oksana's eyes boring into mine intensely, looking deep down into my soul. It was weird but not uncomfortable as I felt the soothing sound of her voice in my head.

"Hello Rose, it's nice to meet you." Her voice was soft and at easy, relaxing my body and the wards I had automatically put up when I felt her intruding my mind. I could only give her a short nod and a smile as I was too astonished for any other reaction. As soon as she had let go of my hand, the sensation was gone and I blinked a few times to return to reality.

Mark was already on his way towards Dimitri as they both greeted each other. Seemingly they hadn't seen each other in some time but this gave me time to adjust.

Looking up at Oksana, I could only mumble incoherent words. "You're … You're a Spirit user."

"Yes." Oksana confirmed, looking at me still closely. "And I have a gift for you." She handed me a simple silver ring, with only a deep red ruby embedded and some seemingly ancient engravings. "I've put Sprit in it to help easing you mind a little. Just put in on whenever it gets too much. It will take away the darkness."

Thanking her, I took the ring and placed it on my left ring finger. It fit perfectly and I felt the impact immediately. It felt as if some huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to breathe more freely again. Meeting Dimitri's curious stare, I walked over and showed him the ring.

As soon as Olena called us to sit down on the table to enjoy some cake and coffee, the usual chatter went off. Oksana mostly asked about my parents and my education, while Mark and Dimitri had a silent chat at their side of the table. I could only guess what this was about, but hopefully not about more safety measures concerning me.

Then we all talked together about different stuff, mostly things concerning Baia and sometimes Olena, Oksana, Mark and Dimitri talked about their school time at St. Basil's, which got my interest pretty quickly.

But there was one thing that got me curious: the behavior of Oksana and Mark. It was odd, to say the least but yet it didn't. Not to me. They acted as if they where two magnets, being pulled towards each other constantly. As if one could not do something without the other.

I knew that Oksana and Mark were a married couple, but still this behavior was strange.

Again the chatter drifted off into separate groups. This time Oksana and Olena and as well as Mark and Dimitri again. I really couldn't figure out what these two were talking about, but glances towards me from Dimitri confirmed my suspicion.

And something else caught my eye: the exchanged glances between Oksana and Mark as well. It seemed to me that they were having a silent conversation though both of them had their respective partners for a chat.

Suddenly it clicked. It was so obvious, especially since I knew that Oksana was a Spirit user. But could it be? Could it actually have been happening without anyone knowing?

Looking up at Oksana, I caught her eyes and said "You're Spirit Bound! You have a connection!" Seeing Dimitri's proud smile, my suspicion was confirmed. He had known that and I was wondering whether he had wanted me to find out or not.

Thinking about Lissa's and mine connection; I had suddenly found a source I could ask all the many questions about this.

_Please make my day *cough* and give me a short review. *sneeze*_

_Thanks._

_Lilian85 with a big red nose *blows-nose*_


	17. Chapter 17

_I know it's long over-due and most of you propably don't even want to read it anymore, but I'll still finish it up! *evil-laugh* No, of course I know there are actually some readers out there that wish for me to finish this story. And I'm really happy about that! So please excuse my delay and enjoy the next chapter. I will post the next one within this week as I've written it out already!_

_ENJOY!_

**CHAPTER 17 – Christmas ****at the Belikov's**

Christmas was coming with big steps. Soon the house would be crowded, as Dimitri had already warned me, because Christmas was a huge event in the Belikov family. All family members would attend and this year also my family members would join us: my parents, Lissa and Kevin.

Baia had been wrapped up in a huge amount of snow, giving it the image of an old town during winter season. From many houses you only saw the upper floors and roof as the snow was piling high. The trees and streets where covered in white, making it very difficult to walk or drive. But being used to this much snow, many inhabitants didn't really mind and it was fun to go out and have a funny snow ball fight.

In the beginning of December, Victoria had come back from St. Basil's and we hit it off together instantly. Poor Dimitri always was the receiving end of our games of who can throw the snow ball fast and furthest away. When we would come back, Olena always had a cup of hot chocolate for us and we all sat down in the living room, enjoying the returning feeling into our noses, fingers and toes. I really enjoyed the company of Victoria as she showed me how an ordinary girl my age behaves, especially since she was also a Dhampir.

I had bribed Dimitri into sharing his room with me since my nightmares still returned and didn't decrease in intensity. I was sure that it would stay that way for a longer time but I honestly wanted to avoid questions I really didn't have an answer for. And since neither Olena nor Dimitri did mind, we had made the change of rooms before Victoria was supposed to arrive.

The days before Christmas had been busy for all of us. Since the family would be almost twice as big as usually, Olena and Yeva had to prepare much food to get us all fed up. We all helped them as much as we could but the space in the kitchen was not that big, so Victoria, Dimitri and I mostly created chaos in the living room by preparing the cookies and cakes.

Singing along loudly to Christmas carols, Victoria and I tried our best to get Dimitri into trouble by eating all the cookie dough. When being younger, Dimitri always used to steal the dough bowl and Olena still thought he was doing it. So we all had our laugh and even though none of them (except for Dimitri) knew that this was the best medicine for me to recover.

The week before Christmas, the rest of the Belikov family arrived in Baia and I got to know Karolina, Sonya and Paul. Together with them our snow ball fights quickly turned into a full war and Olena was even busier with providing more hot chocolate and warm covers for us.

The day before my family would arrive, Victoria, Dimitri and I went into the next bigger city to get our Christmas shopping done. Since I've had enough time to think what to get everyone, I was finished quickly and we were heading back after spending a few hours at the mall only.

I have never been happier when seeing my family as they arrived in Baia the next day. As soon as I heard the car stopping in front of the house, I was out of it and ran into the arms of my mother. I had missed her tremendously, especially after our relationship had changed from being enemies into being mother and daughter.

The next person I threw myself onto was my father. Though I wasn't able to stand being near him right after it happened, I now found myself wrapped in his arms and him smiling down on me. I knew the time of him not being able to touch me had been very hard for both of us; he now gave am brilliantly happy smile which I returned.

Greeting Lissa actually felt a little awkward. We used to be best friends for such a long time and being busy with coping, I never thought about slipping into her mind to check on her. But I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for that since I've had enough problems of my own to fight out. Still I was happy to see her, engulfed in the arms of Christian. Our relationship will have a crack for sometime in the future, but we will work that one out.

The next person I saw was Kevin, the chief of security of my father. He had always been a trustworthy and fun loving Dhampir, with whom I could talk about everything. And he had helped with my rescue which I will always be grateful for. Kevin's job was to protect my parents, but since coming into a home full of trained Dhampirs, my father had given him order to just relax and enjoy the holiday.

Unfortunately Mia wasn't able to come over since her father wanted to introduce her to his new girlfriend and there had been no way around that. We had promised each other to exchange our gifts later when I would return back to my parent's home. This would be soon sadly.

Ushering us all inside, Olena gave another round of hot chocolate for everyone, which made me wonder where she had gotten all this chocolate from. Sitting in Dimitri's lap since there wasn't enough space for everyone on the couch, we all exchanged news and what had happened during the last weeks.

After having a wonderful meal we all went to bed since Christmas would be tomorrow and all of us were excited about it. Tiredly, I more or less fell into the bed, wrapped up in Dimitri's arms and fell asleep instantly. For the first time I didn't have any nightmares and I slept peacefully.

I was awoken by someone singing a Christmas carol softly to me. Cracking my eyes open, stared directly into Dimitri's eyes and I wished instantly that I could be awakened like this forever. Smiling up at him, I also wished him a Merry Christmas. Not really wanting him to leave the comfort of the bed, I sighed inwardly when he rose to get ready for the day.

Not really feeling the usual excitement if Christmas at all, I silently followed him. I could hear the house awakening to the new day and soon heard Victoria shouting a 'Merry Christmas!' through the house, making sure everyone would be awake by now.

Grinning at each other at this kind of lame attempt to wake everybody so Victoria could get her presents, Dimitri and I left the room and went downstairs to greet all the other early risers. Most of them had already been awake and were crowded in the small kitchen, sipping coffee and hot chocolate.

Thanking Dimitri when he passed me a pot of hot chocolate, I said my good morning to everyone. My mother and father had already their second pot of coffee and Kevin was also awake already. Victoria came pouncing into the kitchen, urging everyone to help her to wake up the other so she would get her presents.

Though I had always loved Christmas, especially with Lissa's family as I used to for nearly all my live, I smiled at her excitement. I saw myself in her reaction, only one year ago. But many things had changed during that year and though I was excited about receiving presents, I didn't really feel the urge to jump around like a reindeer on marihuana. But I encouraged her nonetheless by grinning at her and urging her on to wake the rest of the family.

When everyone was awake (as awake as you could get when being woken up by a jumping and screaming Victoria), Olena, my mother and I prepared the breakfast. As the living room of the Belikov's wasn't big enough to fit everyone in, Victoria, Lissa, Christian, Dimitri and I made ourselves a place in the kitchen and where throwing around jokes and had a lot of fun. I found myself slipping into the old Rose for some extend and was happy at being together with the people that mattered the most to me. Quickly we ended up in some sort of food fight. Once I turned towards the kitchen door, seeing my parents standing there, smiling at me happily. I wanted to smile back but Christian hit me with a cookie in the face and I had to retaliate. The next time I had a chance to look, they had left already.

After everyone had helped cleaning up the kitchen and living room, I could feel the excitement rising as the present giving drew nearer. Everybody went to the bathroom to fix them up as Olena told us that even more visitors would join in later.

Together with Lissa and Victoria, I went upstairs to get myself ready. I had never really felt the need to dress myself up for the last months, but when I had seen this skirt in the mall a few days ago, I couldn't get around it. Today would be the perfect occasion to show myself that I almost was ready to turn back into the old Rose as far as I could get. I knew that I would never turn back fully but I hoped that to some extend I was able to do this and I wanted to prove to myself that it was time.

Showering in turn, we filled the bathroom with hot steam as we stood in front of the big mirror and applied make-up to each other. Lissa had always been the queen of make-up and so I watched my reflection in the mirror as it stared back at me with black lined eyes and black and thick eyelashes. The rest of my face had been left with a somewhat natural look so my eyes would be the outstanding feature for today. Applying a little bit of lip-gloss, I grinned at the girls.

"I'm ready for the big show!"

Lissa and Victoria glanced at each other and an uneasy feeling roared in my stomach.

"No," Lissa said, shaking her head and grinning at Victoria widely, "No, not yet!"

Looking at both of them smiling at me, the bad feeling in my stomach only worsened. "What else is there to do?"

"Your hair!" Victoria suddenly screamed at me, pulling me into her room and sat me on a stool. "We need to do your hair!"

And so I complied with my doom and let them both work on my hair. I really hadn't planned on that, but I allowed them both to have their fun. With Lissa doing it, it could only get really good.

After only a few minutes and some pain caused by sticking pins in my head, I was allowed to look at the full length mirror in Victoria's room and I really was astonished. It wasn't the old Rose staring back at me but it was a mixture of the old and new. I really liked it. Wearing a grey knee-length skirt with a deep red pullover was the old Rose. The new Rose wore a little make-up and her hair had been pinned up at the back of her head so that only a few loose strands framed the face. Oh boy, would they ogle at me!

Giving them two thumbs up at their work, we quickly went back downstairs to see the result of our work. And surely it worked! Everyone looked at me and Dimitri even came up to me, engulfed me in his arms and pressed a light kiss on top of my head.

"Roza, you look beautiful!" he whispered to me and I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

Unfortunately the bell rang and announced new visitors. I didn't know who answered the door and I wouldn't really have cared if I would have known. But I surely would have said something along the lines of 'Keep the door shut. We don't need any more guests!' Unfortunately I did neither of those things and so I could only stiffen, when hearing Olena saying:

"Tasha! It's so good to see you! Oksana, Mark! Come in!"

_Let the drama continue!_

_Please give me a short review on what you think about this chapter. I know it's not very well but I wanted to finsih it so I could give you guys more to read!_

_Lilian85_


	18. Chapter 18

_Since I'm really sorry for the long wait I've just decided to reward you wioth posting THE chapter! I hope you like it as much as I had fun writing it. I realy love writing those romantic and sappy scenes and I really tend to get lost in it! *lol*_

_Without further ado - Please ENJOY!_

**CHAPTER ****18 – A Special Gift**

It was long after we've all given out our gifts to the others and enjoyed a wonderful Christmas meal, cooked by Olena and Oksana together. Though being allowed to help, both women had sent me out of the kitchen from time to time to cook something secret. I haven't found out since both women only talked about secret receipts that had been passed down from mother to the eldest son's wife. Though Oksana didn't have any children, she promised me to show me the receipts one day.

As the date of our return to a somewhat normal life was approaching, I watched Tasha and Dimitri closer to find out whether or not they were in love. Watching Tasha intently I wasn't really sure. When she looked at Dimitri I sometimes saw the love purely in her dark eyes but then it vanished quickly and I was wondering whether it had been there in the first place or not. As I had seen before, Dimitri and Tasha talked easily, never letting an uneasy silence coming up between them. They talked, they smiled and they laughed together, but it wasn't as intense as the last time I had watched them back in the Academy.

Dimitri was as nice as he always was with her. But he certainly wasn't nicer to Tasha than he was to me and in a little corner of my heart this fact made me happy. From time to time he would glance at me as if checking if I was okay, but he only gave me a smile and nothing else. This really buggered me, to be honest.

For a while I was able to tell myself that there was nothing between Dimitri and Tasha but this thought being destroyed the moment Dimitri wrapped his arms around her shoulder, planting a soft kiss on her temple. This was it. This was the gesture I had been hoping to not see this evening as it would destroy my happiness instantly. But it had happened, hearing Tasha's giggling. She enjoyed it even.

Feeling a stabbing pain in my heart, I gave up watching them and left the living room without anyone noticing. I needed to feel the crisp, fresh Siberian air now to clear my head, to cool down my paining heart and to think more clearly on what to do next. Running up the stairs into the room Dimitri and I had shared, I grabbed my jacket and walked downstairs. Ignoring the happy laughing from Dimitri, Tasha and the others, I left the house silently.

I didn't really know where to go, so I decided to walk to the back yard and sat down on the wooden veranda. Watching the snow falling, I enjoyed the silence wrapping me up in a small cocoon. Wrapping my arms around my body, I crouched down as to not give the cold air much surface to cool me down.

Somewhere deep down inside I had known that this moment was bound to happen sooner or later. Dimitri had chosen Tasha over me, making it a clear statement of his priorities. During the last weeks he had been so nice and supporting that I found it easy to tell myself that he still had some interest in me. Well, I had been mistaken and my heart would pay the price. Again.

I didn't know how to cope with this. The last time he had left me, it had taken weeks for me to return to a somewhat normal person, but always with the knowledge that the old Rose had died. I would never be whole again without him.

Then, when he had returned to support me, I had been so happy. For the first time I felt the slightest chance of recovering again wholly. Dimitri had never really shown me any feelings other than being proud and happy and deep down I had known that he still didn't return my feelings. I had been so stupid to let myself hope, only to be broken again.

The worst thing was that this time I couldn't really blame it on him. It hadn't been his fault that I had allowed me to hope again or even to pretend that he still loved me. In each word, each embrace I had construed to be a sign of affection, though he had never said anything of that sort.

And now I was back to the pint I had been before. Alone, lost and broken. Only this time I knew there was no way for me to be repaired again. I would always stay like this.

I was surprised when I heard the snow crouching when a figure silently approached. The surprise was even bigger when I recognized who it was: Tasha. Smiling down at me, she waved towards the free space next to me. "May I join you?"

I was afraid whether my voice would give away what I was feeling right now, so I decided to only grant her a short nod.

Tasha set down beside me, pulling her jacked around her tighter. "I was actually surprised when I couldn't see you anymore. Everybody is inside, why are you here in the cold?"

I really don't know what triggered it off, but suddenly I found myself telling her the whole story. Maybe it was some sort of wanting her to know or spilling my heart out to ease the pain, but nonetheless I told her almost everything. I told her how Dimitri and I met the first time, how he became my mentor and how we fell in love with each other.

"Well, at least that's what I can say. I don't know if he really loved me back then or if I just was imagining something. Looking back at it now I would go for the latter." I said, smiling sadly as I realized that I had been telling the truth. Maybe it had just been my imagination.

Tasha hadn't disrupted my story once, always listening closely. I really didn't care if it was for her benefit, but it felt good to get this all out of the system once. And it didn't matter to whom I was spilling my heart out, but only for me to ease some of the pain.

When I told her the rest of the story, Tasha still didn't disturb anything. She sat there, staring out in the dark, obviously not listening to what I was telling her. Though one part of me wanted to shake her for that shown ignorance, another part of me was glad as it was easier to tell everything so someone who wasn't listening at all.

After I had finished, we both shared moments of silence, before Tasha spoke up, her voice soft and gentle. "So why are you out here all by yourself?"

"I just realized that I was so selfish." I said letting it sound as if it hadn't been something new for me. "I guess I'm a selfish person."

Tasha's head wiped around, hearing me saying that. "Rose, you're the most unselfish person I had ever had the chance to meet. Your story just proved that. You're doing everything to make other people happy and sometimes you even help to ease their pain by taking some of it on your own shoulders. This isn't selfishness, Rose. This is you and you only."

My heart made a happy jump hearing her saying this. It had been the first time that somebody had the decency to say this to my face. "Thanks, but still." I shrugged it off.

"What is this really about? Or, to phrase my question more precisely: whom is this really about, Rose?" She sounded curious though I got the impression, that Tasha knew exactly whom this was all about. Her next sentence confirmed my suspicion. "It's about Dimitri, am I right?" her voice was gentle again, sensing that this might be stressing me out more.

I knew it wouldn't bring anything to deny this, so I settled in for a short nod. I kept my eyes firmly on the white ground, not wanting the woman beside me seeing too much.

"Do you love him?" So much as to not look up at her. Startled I averted my gaze to look into her face. It was serious, asking me to answer honestly.

"Yes," I croaked out, admitting for the first time my love to this man out loud. "Yes, I still love him."

Tasha looked at me as to urging me on. But there really wasn't anything else to say, so she went on with her interrogation after a moment of silence. "So, why did you never tell him that?"

I gave her a sad smile. "Because he doesn't love me anymore."

"Shouldn't this be my decision?" suddenly a deep, husky voice chimed in, startling me and Tasha the same. Turning around, I saw my suspicions confirmed. Behind us stood the man this talk had been about in the first place: Dimitri Belikov. I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks, staring at him helplessly.

Seeing Tasha move towards the house, I looked at her, begging her silently to stay. But she only gave me a reassuring smile before her tall and slender figure vanished into the house.

I didn't know what to say, so I decided on turning around, facing the back yard. It was so embarrassing! I had just declared my love in front of the person my heart belonged to and I hadn't even known her was there and heard everything.

Feeling Dimitri sitting down in the exact same spot as Tasha, I scooted over a little to get more space between us. Hearing a soft laugh from Dimitri, he silently wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back into the warmth of his body. "What are you scared of, Rose?"

Groaning out loud, I let my face fall into my hands, not ready to face him yet. This only caused him to laugh harder. Prying my hands away from my face, he turned it to look at me. My blush only deepened, letting me feel like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Why have you never told me anything of this?" He asked, staring at me curiously.

"I was afraid of the answer." I told him honestly. There was nothing more I could do about this, that pulling through.

Shaking his head unbelievingly, Dimitri smiled at me. "This is crazy. I always was afraid to tell you as I didn't want to force you into something you didn't want anymore."

This time it was my turn to stare at him unbelievingly. Seeing the shock on my face, Dimitri smiled this heart meltingly beautiful smile he would only give me after I had done something recklessly yet successfully. His eyes shone with love and happiness, reflecting my feelings exactly.

I wasn't scared or afraid when his face came closer, his warm lips closing the distance. Feeling this warm, soft kiss, telling of all the love we both held for each other, I couldn't suppress the one tear rolling down my cheek. I was happy, utterly happy and with the man I once had given my heart to freely and he was still holding it in his hands whether he was aware of this or not.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled myself closer into the wonderful warmth of his body. I didn't want to let him go and neither did he. So we stayed outside in the snow for a long time, just kissing and being happy about sharing the love of each other.

__

How was it? Did you like it? Please tell me I really would appreciate it!

Thanks a lot.

Lilian85


	19. Chapter 19

_Actually this is just a repost of the last chapter due to some small changes. Especially the "THE END" at the end of this chapter has been deleted due to an easy explanation: more is to come and I just didn't want to start up with a sequel. So, just the information for you that more chapters are about to come!_

**CHAPTER 19 –**** Overdue Explanations**

I had never felt so happy and content in my life as I did after Dimitri's confession. It was THE thing I had always wanted to hear and never dreamt of that this might actually be happening someday. Though regarding my past experiences, I felt content with saying that Dimitri now was my boyfriend, as cheesy as that might sound. I was happy and everybody around me knew it.

Dimitri and I had been outside for a little bit longer. He had asked me to go for a walk with him and I happily agreed. I would have agreed to anything in that moment. Honestly.

We had strolled around the empty and snow covered streets, Dimitri holding my hand in a firm grasp as if he never wanted to let go of me again. I had felt like a school girl with her first boyfriend. I just couldn't stop grinning, having pulled him to a halt every few steps to kiss him. He hadn't seemed to mind, on contrary. He had smiled one of his happy smiles one didn't see very often which had made me even happier. I felt honoured that Dimitri trusted me with showing his real self when I was around and I had silently sworn to myself to never betray that trust.

Before we had entered the house again, Dimitri had stopped me and looked into my eyes deeply. "I'm feeling like the happiest bloke alive, Roza. I'm sorry I was putting you through this but I just wasn't sure how much of a pressure I could put on your shoulders after everything that happened."

"Dimitri,", I had said, cradling his face in my hands, "stop worrying about me, please! I'm already much stronger than I ever felt before and it is only because of you. You give me the strength I need to get through daily life and this is all I could ask for. Don't worry to push me about something. Trust in me, Dimitri. I can decide for myself what I can take and what I can't. Please, never keep these decisions away from me. Trust me next time, okay?"

His lips had broken into a soft happy smile, his deep brown eyes sparkling. "I really love you, Roza. With all my heart, my soul and being."

Softly pressing my lips against his, I had whispered quietly "I love you more than you will ever be able to imagine, Dimitri Belikov."

Now we were gathered in the heated living room of the Belikov's. It was one day after Christmas. Nearly all guests had been leaving already so it was only Dimitri, Lissa and Christian, Kevin, my parents and I. We had taken the chance to have a longer chat when Dimitri's family had left for some other visits with friends.

I think that everyone in the room was aware of the importance of this meeting. Now it was time to give out some information on my part, but also to get some further explanations from the others. There was a tension in the air and the crackling fire was emphasizing the silence that was evading between us all now. Nobody wanted to start with their story so I decided to go ahead as I was the one who had to tell the most. Though Dimitri and I had decided not to tell everything in detail, I would now tell family and non-family members of those awful weeks.

Looking around at those faces of all these people I loved deeply and knew I could trust, I still had to collect all my strength to open up and let everyone in. Each one of them looked at me expectantly, their eyes boring into mine, urging me to start. Then I met Dimitri's eyes and he gave me a short nod. This was my cue.

"I … I actually have really no idea where to start, so I will do so at the beginning. I know that some things may raise questions, but I will explain them as best as I can." Seeing the encouraging smile on Dimitri's face, I took a deep breath and started telling my story.

"It all actually started back when Lissa and I had been brought back to the Academy by Dimitri and some other Guardians after we've been on the loose for two years. In Portland they had caught us and brought us back. Knowing that it had been my idea in the first place, Kirova … sorry, _Director_ Kirova had charged me with everything there was in the book, including extra training sessions with Dimitri. He was the best teacher I could ask for as he didn't see me as the runaway student but as a student with great potential and the needed determination to be a great Guardian for Lissa later on."

I took a quick glance at Lissa as a sad and remorseful smile appeared on her delicate features. She had remembered those times just as vivid as I had.

"The catch in this was that Dimitri and I hadn't always had such a clean student-mentor-relationship but sometimes more like a lover-relationship." I ignored the audible gasp of my mother, Lissa and Christian. Though knowing that Dimitri and I were practically together now, none of them had ever had the idea of me having a relationship with my mentor. "He broke it off when leaving the Academy to become Tasha's Guardian." I had added this quietly as I knew the pieces of the puzzle forming a picture in Lissa's head and I didn't really want to make her feel even worse as she already did.

"Why he did it, I think is something only concerning us two, so I …"

I caught sight of Dimitri's stern face and I knew that he wanted to get it over with. "I would like to get something out into the open. I now know that I had made the biggest mistake back then and Rose, you cannot imagine just how sorry I am for that. I have caused us both so much pain, but I still hadn't been exactly fair to you. I should have at least explained myself and though the chance has been long gone, I would like to make it up now." Waiting for my nod which I gave him after a few seconds of hesitance, he continued. I felt my heart speeding up and I had to fight to keep away the memories of this hurtful and devastating moment.

"I have always loved you Rose, and though I had never admitted it back in the Academy, it was those feelings that had held me there in the first place. You were a wonderful fighter, believing strongly in yourself and your abilities. You would never step back if there was a fight and though I always tried to teach you self-control, you had more of that than I did. Because as my feelings had grown stronger for you over the weeks, I tried to tell myself that you were just an infatuation. Though knowing that I lied to myself about that clearly, it helped me to go on for some more weeks. But when I felt you returning those feelings, I got scared of the situation this might pull you in. You were still my student and I your mentor. It was illegal. So I tried to stay away but it didn't work. Not with you fighting for me to admit my feelings in front of you. So I did the only thing I could think of: I ran away, Practically. And this was the biggest mistake in my life as I felt so miserable in the weeks after. All I wanted to do is to get back to you but Tasha did the only right thing: she held me back, begging me to not bring you in such a dangerous situation. And I did though I kept thinking of you every minute, every day of every week. It pained me to no end to know that you were feeling this, too."

A tear slowly made its way down my cheek when I remembered those long painful weeks. It had taken me ages to get back into a somewhat liveable self, but it had only been a shallow picture of the old Rose. Hearing Dimitri saying that he had just felt the same way made my heart ache for the lost months we could have shared. Giving him an encouraging smile, I continued with my story.

"Well, the next thing that happened was that I had made a mistake in our field experience, something very important for our grade. Christian had been my charge and in one "fight" he would have nearly been killed by the Strigoi, played by our teachers. After that, Lissa had been very mad at me and our friendship had been put on ice ever since."

Feeling her arms around me suddenly, I carefully hugged Lissa back. "Sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry. I was so stupid." She sobbed into my shoulder. "I should have never doubted you as I knew that you where the best. But somehow I did and see what it did to us. I miss you."

Hugging her closer to myself, I quietly said "I miss you, too, Liss."

Entangling herself from me, she looked into my eyes, begging me. "Please forgive me, Rose."

"I forgive you!" I laughed at her, hugging her one more time before letting her return to her seat.

"After I had graduated I had gone with my parents to Turkey to life there for a while. I hadn't been assigned yet, so it was the best thing for me to do. One day, while I was out with my mother shopping, a Strigoi had kidnapped me, holding me hostage for those weeks. I don't want to go into the details of this … I just would like to confirm what most of you probably have expected already. Yes, I have been tortured and raped … " there was an audible gasp from Lissa and Christian, "… but I've been working on this one already and I think … at least … I've made some progress."

Seeing the pride showing on Dimitri's face confirmed it not only for me but also for everyone else. Letting my gaze wonder over the faces of the people that were the closest to me, I felt happy and consent. My parents still looked a little troubled about me confirming their worst fears but I could also feel that they were also proud of me to make my way. Kevin, in his position as their Guardian, didn't show any feeling as he held his Guardian mask in place, but a brief appreciative nod told me everything. Lissa and Christian looked at me with a mixture of sadness and hope.

"But there is one thing I would like to know." I looked at my parents questioningly. "Who killed Steve?"

My eyes wandered between my mother and father, so that I would have nearly missed the quick movement of Kevin in the background. Averting my questioning gaze towards him, he granted me another brief nod. It had been him!

"Thank you." It was all there was to say. I would have liked to do it myself but on the other side was I happy that I wouldn't have to see the face of my tormentor again. I had been wondering about that question for some time now but never dared to ask Dimitri. I had always thought it had been my mother. Knowing that it had been Kevin was also okay for me. At least Steve was dead and that is what really counted in the end.

After that we started chatting about my weeks here in Baia. I also caught up with Lissa about her studies and her plans for the future. I was glad to have her back in my life though I still tried to block the pull into her head. For the past weeks my mind had been in overdrive and hadn't had really the capacity to connect to Lissa's mind. I was thankful for that and so was she. But she also told me that she was sad that our bond didn't work both ways otherwise she would have been able to help to get me out of Steve's grasp quicker.

My parents told me that they were planning on a huge New Year's party back in the Turkey and invited me and Dimitri to come back home. Happily we agreed to that though I knew I would miss Baia. But with Dimitri as my boyfriend I was sure that we would return sooner rather than later. And my parents told me also that they had already set a date for their second try to get married and I promised them to attend this time, which gave everyone a good laugh.

Soon after our small circle broke as everyone had to go packing because they would be leaving the next day. I enjoyed the quietness in the room when everybody except for Dimitri and me had left.

I laid my eyes on Dimitri, taking in the sharp bone structure of his face and the softness of his deep brown eyes, shining proudly back at me. He had been the only person who has had the ability to help me through this nightmare and I was so grateful for him to stick with me on this. It hadn't always been easy for neither of us, but I would like to think that we've come out of this stronger. At least I have as I now could picture a life with him at my side.

Dimitri was my soul mate and he knew that more than anyone else. He was my heart, my soul, my everything. Though this deep love gave him the power to rule me, he would never do anything of which I wouldn't approve of. Dimitri would always handle me with gentleness without being too soft on me.

Walking over to him, I engulfed him in my arms, pressing my body tightly against his. This was something I would always need – his bodily contact and the knowledge that he would be there after each nightmare, helping me to work everything out.

Feeling his strong arms making their way around my still slim figure, I felt at peace. This was the place where I belonged, where I felt safe and at home.

Locking my eyes with his, I felt a happy smile gracing my features only being mirrored by one of his very rare smiles. "I love you, Dimitri. With all my heart and soul. You've been my rock in the storming see, always giving me hope and a light to guide me on my way back out of the darkness. I'm very thankful for that and it makes me love you even more. I love you, Dimitri, for always."

Pressing my lips against his I showed him just how much this exactly was.

_Do you have any ideas that you find fit for this story? I have a clue where this might lead but i'm still open to suggestions!_

_Thanks,_

_Lilian85_


	20. Chapter 20

_So as promised, I will continue with the story from time to time. But please don't expect me to update every week as I also have other FF which I'm currently writing on. Thanks._

_Now, enjoy!_

**CHAPTER ****20 – Daily Trouble**

The next day everybody left to their respective homes. I felt a little bit sad to watch them all leave but on the other side I was happy that Dimitri and I would have some more alone time to figure this whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing out. Not that it actually was something difficult, just my past was a tad bit in the way. We both were aware of that but I think that I feared this most.

Soon I would have to tell Dimitri details that I had avoided until now but seeing as he now had a legal right to know all the painful details, I was afraid that he might want to pull out of this. Not that he was a coward but I had experienced too many of these horrific moments and I wasn't really sure on how we could ever move up to the next stage with our relationship. This certainly is not about kissing or touching; it's about having sex. And that was something I was really afraid of, especially after Steve had shown me what an expert torture could do to your body.

But I knew that this day where we would get intimate was still far off and I was absolutely certain, that Dimitri was aware of that.

After everyone had left and the quietness returned into the house, Dimitri and I sat quietly in the living room, sipping on our hot chocolate. Olena and Yeva had yet again gone out to run some errands and Vik was out visiting friends. So it was only just us two and the silence stretching out between us was far from comfortable. The topic hung in the air, yet none of us wanted to really talk about this.

Sighing, I looked up to his large frame at the end of the couch, put down my cup when I met his gaze and scooted over to him. Smiling slightly I took the cup away from his hands and climbed onto his lab, framing his face with my hands lovingly. "What's the matter, Dimitri?" I locked my gaze with his, telling him without words that I expected honesty.

Now it was his turn to sigh, before a sad smile graced his features. "I'm just wondering what our future might hold for us. Especially for you as in these three months so many things had been destroyed by _him_ that I don't know how to repair the damage." He was whispering, his hands softly cupped my slim waist.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not really being sure where exactly he was heading with this.

One of his hands found its way up to our faces, tracing my cheeks and lips lovingly. "There are so many aspects to a really relationship and I'm just afraid that you might be never really able to enjoy this."

"Are you talking about sex?" I asked him bluntly, being just a bid fed up with his dancing around the topic. I know that all of this is new for both of us but I had asked him to always be honest with me. Just as I was with him.

Swallowing, Dimitri nodded his head, his cheeks slightly reddened with embarrassment. "Yes, that's what I was talking about. But that's only just one aspect, Roza."

Shaking my head at his embarrassment, I gave him an encouraging smile. "Yeah, I've thought about that too, but I'm willing to give it a try." I signalled for him to not disrupt me when he wanted to say something. "I'm not saying that it will happen in the next days nor weeks, but I will try my best. It will be hard for me but with you I have the feeling that I will be able to fight it all. Step by step. Just …. Just give it some time, okay?"

"Roza, I wasn't pushing you into anything. We will walk step by step in the pace that you will be comfortable with. Just promise me one thing." His gaze had locked with mine again, holding me captured.

"Hm?"

"Promise me to tell me what really had happened during those weeks so I can avoid as many coincidences as possible. I don't ever want you being uncomfortable with anything we might be doing in the future."

Sighing I gave him a sad smile. "I'll try. It won't be today or tomorrow, that much I can say, but I will try to tell you as many things as possible. Promise."

Smiling at me reassuringly, Dimitri wrapped his arms again around my waist and pulled me in closer. I still couldn't believe that now I was able to kiss him every time I wanted and felt the need (which was quite often).

Slowly I closed the distance between us, seeing as I was more or less sprawled on top of Dimitri's body. When I lips connected it was like heaven for me. In each movement I felt the love and desire he felt for me and for the time being all my bad memories just vanished. For these moments I could really just forget what had happened and act like any other teenager again. I enjoyed these moments so much.

His hands drew lazy circles across my back, sending shivers of awareness across my body. I knew that it would take me along time to be able to get intimate with him, but I would try for the sake of both of us.

Our kiss was nothing else but sweet and reassuring. Dimitri indeed seemed to sense whenever I needed his reassurance, his strength and his believe in me. Especially when my thoughts would wander off track, he almost always sensed it and started to envelop me in a discussion or something else to ease my mind. I was really glad for this.

After we broke the kiss, I smiled down at him. "I really could stay here forever, you know? It's so peaceful and quiet – I like that!"

A teasing twinkle appeared in his eyes, his lips carving into a sensual smile. "So, this something I would have never thought to hear from Rose Hathaway!" he exclaimed.

I felt my lips returning his teasing smile. "Why not?"

"Quietness? Peaceful? No words that you would usually use, or?" he said, the teasing note clearly in his voice.

Grinning down at him, I shrugged my shoulders in a nonchalant manner. "Well, you'll get used to it, y'know?"

"Hm, let's see about that." He said, before pulling me closer again. "Well, this is something I could do for always."

Then his lips were on my again and I just was able to enjoy the feel of the kiss. When we came up for some air, I whispered "Definitely!" before closing the gap again.

After our sweet kissing session, we just laid on the couch, being wrapped in comfortable silence. There was no need to say anything and slowly I felt my mind drifting off into a deep slumber.

_It was cold. So cold. Yet I was burning up deep inside. Not because I had a fever but because of the pain he was inflicting on my already bruised __and sore body. It wasn't the first time he actually was doing this but every time again it hurt and I felt so used afterwards. Dirty. Humiliated. It was his goal to break me and he had many ways of achieving this, each one even more painful than the one before._

_After he had first started to beat me he was now raping me. It hurt so badly as my body still wasn't prepared for any of this. I've never had sex in my life before and somewhere deep inside I was weeping that Steve was now destroying this. _

_After the first two raping I had quickly learned not to make any sound – no crying, no weeping – nothing as this seemed to fuel new heights of his cruelty. And my mind wasn't even able to come up with anything even near as what he was doing to me._

_Clutching my hands into fists, with my fingernails piercing my skin, I desperately needed something else to concentrate on. Quickly it had been to only way for me to stay sane to cut off my mind from the rest of my body during the torture which would last for hours. Hurting my body was one thing I could cope with – but I couldn't allow him to do any damage to my mind. It was the only thing I had to retreat into and this was something precious right now._

"Roza!" I heard a deep voice whispering close to my ear. Strong arms were wrapped around my shaking frame. Hadn't realised that I had been drifted off that deep.

Turing my face to the wonderful sound of Dimitri's voice, I gave him a sad smile. I just couldn't shake the nightmares and something told me that I wouldn't be able to get rid of them for a long time. Maybe even never.

"Are you all right?" he whispered, one of his hands softly stroking through my loose hair, giving me relaxing head massage.

"Hm, I guess. Just another nighty, that's all." I whispered, letting my eyes close halfway to enjoy the slow and soft massage.

"You're still shivering, _Roza_. You want to take a bath? It might help." He again whispered, both of us not really wanting to break the silence enveloping us.

Smiling up at this wonderful idea, I hesitantly got off of him and together we made our way to the bathroom with the bog bath tub. It's been so long since I was having a bath the last time and I really was looking forward. Before I was allowed to enter the bathroom, Dimitri ushered me to get some fresh clothes from the room first.

When I entered the bathroom with new clothes in hand, I was astonished at what I saw. Dimitri had lit several candles in all sizes and colours throughout the bathroom, giving it a very romantic atmosphere.

"Whoa! Why did you do this?" I could only ask baffled.

Giving me one of his wonderful happy smiles, he waved me over to the already filled tub. "Jump in. I just wanted you to be able to really relax a little, so I though candles might do the trick."

Planting a thankful kiss on his cheek, I quickly got out off my clothes and climbed into the tub, willed with hot water and wonderful smelling soap.

Groaning out loud as the hot water surrounded me fully, Dimitri sat down next to the tub. At the beginning we sat in silence but soon easy chatter filled up the room.

_So, you liked it or not? Please let me know by following th elink below!_

_Thanks._

_Lilian85_


End file.
